Monday, June 27, 2011

Losing it

Sexual confidence is a powerful thing. For me, when I feel sexy I feel like I can take on the world and life is amazingly fun.

But what happens when you lose it?

That's me right now, after several factors combined to leave me feeling less than desirable.

The first is a rejection of sorts. We played with The Marine and had a great time. All indications at the end of the night and during subsequent conversations was there would be more playtime. However it has now become abundantly clear this is not going to happen again.

The Hubs would say I am taking this personally and it's just life. And while I agree mostly I think it's different for women. When we are parting ways with someone after playtime I can already tell you if I hope there will be more fun. And I thought I could tell from our partners as well. This one has thrown me for a loop. It's almost like a "I wonder what I did" feeling.

Another factor was a recent encounter with The Boater. During the playtime - as in DURING he stopped to critique my reaction to his work. I mean, really? No one has ever accused me of being quiet, and I was having a very good time until he belittled me! Newsflash to men - keep your mouth shut about anything critical DURING sexual activity. I mean DUH.

Separately I think these two instances would be brushed off as life as a swinger. After all part of this lifestyle is meeting and experiencing people of all kinds. But combine them and you end up with an adult woman with teenage girl self esteem issues.

So the question is, what to do? How do you gain back something like confidence when you are at your most vulnerable?

Hoping to be back into the swing of things soon...

The Wife

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