Monday, April 29, 2013

Uneven Couples

When one half of the couple is hot and the other half is not.

What do you do?

I'm sure The Hubs would agree with me; you can't pick the playmate's spouse. We have found some of the oddest couples in this lifestyle. So many we look at and say "really, you married him/her??" Some of the time we are convinced that their disconnect in attractiveness is a factor in their choice to swing. (Yes, I know that is horribly judgemental. I don't say it to their faces, it is simply an inside joke used in our people watching) But what it means is sometimes one of us gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes literally.

The Youngens are young. Like 11 & 12 years my junior. As in, they were carded when we went out for drinks. On two separate occasions. But hey, who cares right? We laughed it off and moved on.

Now, according to their profile I anticipated being about 5 inches taller (bare footed) and *cough cough* pounds more than The Youngen Hubs. I was already self-conscious about that. Then when he arrived I found out it is more like 6 inches and *COUGH COUGH* pounds. It is the perfect-storm combination of a super small guy and I'm on the curvy side. Soo... I am a giant.

But The Youngen Wife? She is a whole other story. I actually asked The Hubs is she was the hottest playmate yet for him. He thinks she is stunning. She has big ole natural boobies, she's curvy in all the right places and has a really pretty face.

So, now what?

If I met The Youngen Hubs as a single man the answer would be no. I wouldn't bother pushing my comfort zone. Not because he is short. I've been with guys shorter than me, I really don't give a fuck. This guy isn't just short, everything about him is small. His whole frame is tiny.

Except I didn't meet him as a single. He came with a hottie wife. And even though The Hubs and I have a standing "No-taking-one-for-the-team" policy, how can I cock-block The Hubs just because this guy makes me feel like Andre the Giant? I can't. Maybe it is my turn to give a little. After all The Hubs has never told me no to a couple because of something as trivial as my issue.

So, we press on. I am staying open minded about what the future may bring. Knowing that for some reason Swinger Couples are just weird sometimes. But, you never know what fun the next couple may bring.

The Wife

Internet Strength

It's the idea is since you aren't face to face the user feels safer and emboldened to say more, do more etc. The power driven primarily from being anonymous. We've all had some experience with it, whether we know it or not. Be it a fake profile on a swinger site or some other version, we've almost all run into someone using the power of the Internet to hide their reality.

The Hubs and I often discuss the idea of Internet Strength when it comes to the getting-to-know-you portion of conversation with a potential playmate. The problem is in The Swing Lifestyle, Internet Strength can backfire pretty quickly. If you've claimed to be supermodelesque with amazing deep-throat blow job skills but show up looking like Honey Boo-Boo's Mom and gag on the cock head no one is going to leave happy.

I always thought it was the totally fake profiles that were the real issue, but in reality we're all part of it. As much as we'd all like to claim we haven't, at some point each of us has used the power of Internet Strength. I never would have thought I was part of the problem, until I met The Eye Opener.

It was early in our Swing Life, and we chatted for a long time before getting to finally meet in person. He asked and I answered yes to my ability to squirt (but did not fill in the fact that only The Hubs has been able to make it happen) so he was honestly expecting to be covered in my gush. The problem is, it didn't happen. But he kept waiting for it, and telling me to do it. And talking about how any second now it was going to happen. And then it got awkward because we all realized it wasn't going to happen.

I know you're all sitting there thinking about how it was his job to get me to that point or he was just a bad fuck. However true any and or all of those statements may be {see what I did there? hehe} I later realized to his credit, he was only waiting for what I had told him about. The Eye Opener had been told I was able to do something and since downplaying your skills isn't sexy I didn't stop him from thinking it was a super easy task to accomplish. I never played up my ability but I didn't downplay it either and clearly his imagination ran wild with a small bit of information.

I often think of this when I'm talking to a new-potential playmate. I want to be honest with my answers while also still doing my best to make myself sound like a sex-goddess. (hello, that's the point isn't it?) The good news is that most married and or experienced swingers that I've met seem to understand the power of Internet Strength. They know that despite all of the talk some things just don't materialize in the actual play time.  (*Cough Cough* like that magically huge cock we've all seemed to run into)  But if you go into the situations open minded and enjoy the events as they unfold you never know where you'll end up.

The Wife

Sunday, April 28, 2013

When she likes your man a little too much

Swinging is at its most basic level about sex. Sure, everyone has their own individual reasons why or how they got into swinging, but in the end it is about no-strings-attached sex.

NSA sex means no emotional attachment. But every once in a while you'll find playmate or potential playmate that seems to be growing an extra attachment to you or your spouse. Typically it isn't the dude - because let's face it - generally {stereotypically} speaking men aren't usually the ones getting emotionally involved. Not saying it isn't possible - but it is more unlikely to have a married man in a swing relationship finding emotional connections.

What am I talking about with an emotional attachment? Well, it isn't always easily defined. Sometimes it is a comment made, or a general feeling of the conversation. Sometimes it is a little more obvious with statements "I'm yours" or "I'd do anything for you" And my personal favorite something along the lines of "I'd break my rules for you"...

Say what??!

Oh, ladies, let me break it down for you. The Hubs is one of THE BEST flirters I've ever encountered. He can make any woman think that the thought of fucking her is the sole reason for his waking up each day. But in reality, sorry to be the one breaking this to you, but he only wants to fuck you. So don't go getting all emotionally connected. It won't end prettily for you.

So how do I handle it? Well, I'm not saying I'm not more apt to watch the playmate a little closer than others. Maybe that is crazy. (that is not beyond possibility!) Maybe it is jealousy. But the key is to keep communicating with The Hubs about the situation. After all, he sees it too! The whole thing could be just a misunderstanding. Maybe that is just how some ladies flirt. But my only "fear" is someone like this will become a stage-five clinger after she gets a little piece of The Hubs and drama will ensue.

The only reason a potential wouldn't be immediately shut down with conversation like that is because I know and most importantly I trust The Hubs. I may not know the playmate very well but almost 17 years at each others side gives me a pretty clear idea of what The Hubs is in it for. I am perfectly willing to share him sexually but the rest is mine and mine alone.

So let's keep our emotions in check and as far away from my man as possible, 'k? ;)

The Wife

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: The Checklist

When we met the guys at the bar they asked where The Bride's checklist was. Since we didn't have one they asked if we had a pen, they would make one for her. Soon we had a napkin with these five items:

1. Have a guy buy you a shot.
2. Take a picture with two guys kissing your cheeks at the same time.
3. Kiss a girl for 5 seconds.
4. Dance on the table/bar.
5. Sing with the band.

The first two they took care of right away. Obviously they were oh-so-willing and able to help The Bride out. Numbers 4 and 5 were going to be difficult since we weren't with a live band and the table at our seat was a plastic patio set so that was sort of out also. Of course, this left the one they really wanted to see. What they didn't know is The Bride has proclaimed multiple times that she is in fact, bisexual and was surprised she ended up with a man. Of course, The Newbie Friend didn't realize this yet. So she volunteered for the kiss.

I was sitting directly across the table from them so I had a perfect view of them both. They started going and we started counting it down for them. They were clearly both into it, I mean this was no peck and hold. But five seconds passes rather quickly and The Newbie Friend stopped right at the cut off. For a split second though, if you were paying close attention you could see that The Bride was actually mid-lean going in for more when The Newbie Friend stopped the kiss.

I did my best to not laugh out loud at The Bride's stopped-short reaction. Of course The Guys loved it. And The Newbie Friend enjoyed the "wildness" of her moment, giggling it off as drunken bachelorette-party shenanigans. Clearly The Bride enjoyed herself and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed! Pretty sure within the next five minutes The Bride reminded us {aaagain} of her bisexuality. I don't know, maybe she was trying to test out the waters. Who knows, I don't think she would have really cheated on her finance. Either way I'm sure it was all entertaining to the crowd around us!

The Wife