Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Add one to the list

The Hubs and I have broken many things during sex before. Mostly furniture when we are really going crazy. A few headboards here and there and maybe even a mattress spring (or two... or 12...) have been broken. But this one is a first...

Just a few nights ago I was on my back, legs up in the air and The Hubs was really burying his cock in me. I reached behind me to hold one of the spokes on our headboard. Just as a curled my had around it The Hubs slammed his cock in me and it pushed the headboard into he wall with my hand between it. It didn't get hurt so on we went with the mission at hand...

What I didn't know at the time was the force of the cock-burying actually crushed the ring I had on my finger. Breaking the band in not one, but two places.


So, I guess we'll add jewelry to the list of things we've broken during our sexual adventures.

The Wife

Friday, February 22, 2013


If you get nothing else from my posts on this blog I hope that you understand how important communication between you and your spouse is.

I take pride in how well I think The Hubs and I communicate with each other. Verbally, non-verbally and everything in between we are usually right in sync with each other. But sometimes that means we get lazy. Well, I get lazy. I assume The Hubs will stay in sync. And sometimes it doesn't work out so well.

A few weeks ago we made plans to go to Eyz Wide Shut again. We found out a couple we had casually chatted with were also going. We decided it would be now or never to meet up. (Sometimes when you're both parents you take whatever meeting arrangements you can make work) We made sure everyone knew it was a no-pressure-to-play meeting even if we were in a sex club.

When we met it was good. They were easy to chat with and we hung out for a while. It was, however, very vanilla. They were attractive and there were signs that we were passing their tests too. The downfall? They were super popular! Either it was the biggest coincidence in the world or they go to the club a lot more than they let on because they seemed to know everyone! And eventually we ended up with a third couple hanging out with us.

It stayed vanilla but promising, after all we were in the bar. OK, maybe a little weird, at least in my head, trying to figure out if this was a "go" and if that meant it was now a 6-some? Lots of questions, but I had decided to go with the flow and see where it took me. I went to the rest room and when I returned I found The Hubs standing alone at our table. He explained that they'd gone for some sweets at the buffet. I sat back down not sure if that meant they were coming back or not. The Hubs looked at me and asked if I was ready to go next door. Taking that to mean he was ready I said "sure!" We went next door and never saw the other couples even as we left.

The next day as The Hubs and I were deconstructing the events of the night he asked me why I had been ready to bail on the others?

Huh? Me, I thought you were ready I explained... Yep, it was a total misread on both of our parts and we ended up leaving a potential play. Oops....

We've decided we need an actual code phrase from now on. Even the best communicators can fail and you might just miss out!

The Wife

Tuesday, February 19, 2013


A classic for this Tuesday...

The Hubs getting his cock ridden by The Unicorn and The Wife sitting on his face.

Enjoy, we certainly did...

The Wife

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Ah, Valentine's Day. Loved by (some) women, hated by (most) men. Our house is no different, I like it, The Hubs can't stand it. I always wondered why it had to be a holiday for one or the other, why not for both? So, many years ago in the early years of our marriage The Hubs and I made a deal for Valentine's. He would go out of his comfort zone and buy me something "Valentine-ish" (flowers & card - never expensive!) and I would go out of my (then) comfort zone and buy something sexy.
 At the time that was a huge deal for me. Being the sweet innocent good girl (read: prude) just the thought of going into a sex shop was petrifying. Much less have to go in alone?? I knew nothing of what to buy, what would I like, what would The Hubs like. And don't even get me started on what to do if I saw someone I knew?!.But, I also knew I needed to test my limits and expand my horizons. And after all, a deal is a deal.
We have a local shop that is pretty big, and the first time in alone I saw mostly the carpet. I ran through the racks trying to find something that didn't look so crazy, but also made it look like I wasn't the prude that I knew I was. I can't even remember what that was, but I remember it was some sort of battery operated dildo. (Side note: yes, all of the "gifts" given to The Hubs are to be used on me) I'll never forget the panic that went through my head when the cashier asked if I wanted to try it out before I left. He meant turn it on and off to make sure it worked (since all sales are final) but to this young naive girl I thought he meant like use it. I said "NO!" probably a little too eagerly and left quickly.
Thankfully each year has gotten easier, and what a variety of toys we have amassed! Let's see, we've gotten a Fuck Saw . some glass dildos, various vibrators, costumes/lingerie, whips and cuffs. I try to buy something that I'm interested in trying but haven't yet. Sometimes I know exactly what I'm looking for and other times I have to just see what hits me as exciting.
And thankfully I've gotten much more comfortable shopping for toys. I was laughing at myself thinking of just that. This year when I went in I smiled at the cashier "Good Morning!" I said. Then I couldn't find what I was looking for and casually went to ask the attendant. I sauntered around the aisles taking my time, and unlike so many years ago only diverted away from another customer because it was two young guys who were themselves being the immature ones!
Of course, I can't tell you what I bought, in case The Hubs is reading! ;)
The Wife

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Swinger Rolodex {Couples Edition}

I was instant messaging with a new potential couple yesterday who appears to have potential, at least after the initial conversation. The Hubs summed them up perfectly,  he said "they're a Project Couple, and if you want to be swinging often you should keep a Project Couple, a Down-To-Fuck Couple and a New/Returning-to-the-lifestyle Couple." With this threesome of couples in your proverbial Rolodex, he reasoned you have roughly a 50/50 shot of actually getting to swap with another couple! (Side note: Singles are a whole other story!)
Here are my thoughts on each:
The Project Couples:
If you've been in the swing lifestyle for any length of time you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. The couple that wants to build up to play time. Dinners, outings, lots and lots of talking and leading up to even the remote possibility of adult fun. Sometimes this works out. Sometimes you put a whole lotta effort into a Project Couple only to eventually realize it was a waste of your time and effort.
Once we got a Project Couple pregnant. As in we were chatting and flirting so much all day/every day they couldn't keep their hands off each other and threw caution to the wind one afternoon. Ooops... so of course that ended any hope of naughty time! To date these people are the only projects we've maintained a vanilla friendship with.
The Down-To-Fuck Couples:
You know who you are, and that is awesome! These are the couples who are ready to play at a virtually any time. Generally they don't have kids or are OK playing with their kids in the house. This could be someone you've played with before or one you've chatted with but haven't met yet.
One Saturday night The Hubs and I were hanging out at home. The kids were in bed and we started chatting with a couple from AFF on yahoo messenger. Within two minutes of chatting they asked if we wanted to meet them right then at the restaurant they were currently eating at. Of course, we didn't have a babysitter so the answer was no, but they were definitely down to fuck.
The New/Returning-to-the-lifestyle Couples:
Keeping in mind I'm not meaning people like The Newbies but people who are maybe new to couples or are getting back into the swing of things after a swing-break. These people are generally nervous and may require a gentle touch! As long as they have their shit together it can sometimes be worth it to go for a new or returning couple. Key word being have their shit together. Sometimes these can turn into Project Couples.
Who's in your swinger Rolodex?
The Wife

Monday, February 11, 2013

The time has come...

To say goodbye.

Some of you may have noticed (some maybe not) but my twitter persona, Jane Smith, has gone away.

What happened? A variety of things led me to the point of realizing that I, as Jane, had crossed a line. Be it real or perceived, the line has been breached and it is time to reevaluate.

No, I have not officially closed my twitter a account. But that is only because I am too lazy to log in on a computer and go through the process. Deleting the tweet app & email from my phone is enough for now.

I can't really tell you for certainty if this is retirement or a hiatus. Not really sure right now. I also can't tell you how long my blogging will continue either. For now, the blog will stand alone. But I may set up the twitter feed to automatically post that a new entry has gone up. Maybe. I really don't know yet.

So that is that! Some of you have been really awesome and some of you can fuck off :) but in the end I'm really just a stranger, so I don't really expect anyone to actually miss me.

Stay pervy tweeps. Catch you on the blog.

The Wife

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

TMI Tuesday : The Erotic Home

SinnerMan strikes again! This week’s questions are brought to you by virtualsin.wordpress.com.
The Erotic Home

1. When you bought your bed frame, did you evaluate it in terms of ropes, handcuffs, etc?
I haven't bought a bed in many years, so at that time no, but now... Yes I think I wil next time!

2. Aside from beds, was sex ever a major consideration in choosing a piece of furniture?
Does switching out for a queen bed for the king guest bed to have more space for threesomes (or more!) count?

3. Have you ever had anyone else (friend, mom) say a piece of your furniture was inappropriate because it was clearly for sexual purposes?
No, they are oblivious!

4. Do you have a piece of furniture that has a stain caused by bodily fluids (baby vomit not included)?
Uh, yes... Couch, love seat and at least one mattress have all had squirt stains ;)

5. Do you have anything in your beside table you wouldn't want your father or mother to know about?
Without question, YES. I actually have a friend on standby when The Hubs and I travel. She has clear instructions what areas of our bedroom to clean out. As a weed smoker and swinger there is quite a bit my Mom never needs to know about me...

6. Do you own any exercise equipment that is useful for sex?

7. Aside from your bedroom, what room do you have sex in most often?
I'll go with family room. Before kids we used to smoke and fuck on the couches almost every weekend watching movies. Then when we started swinging again we weren't sure about bringing people into our actual bed. So for a while we only played in the family room.

8. Do you have any electronics (TV, stereo) etc in your bedroom that are on during sex?
The tv is sometimes left on if we just start going at it. But if we are playing with others usually it's just the iPod for background music.


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

The Wife

Monday, February 4, 2013

From Awesome to Awkward

Have you ever had something go so well that you think wow, this is just really awesome only to have it go south later on? When we played with The {High School} Crush it was the least awkward experience we had ever had. We sat on the couch post-fuckfest completely naked talking about everything from old friends from school to how we got into the swinger lifestyle. It was uncomplicated and easy. It was the best of both worlds, a friend and a fuck-toy.
We never got to play again despite a few attempts and eventually he moved to another state with new girlfriend. We quickly resumed being just two old friends from High School. Until one day I realized I hadn't seen anything in a while from him on FB (he was a chronic status updater) so I went looking through my friends list and low and behold he was gone.
Now I know we've all had Twitter unfollow people randomly, some of that real and some of that an excuse to forgo the awkward why-did-you-unfollow-me conversation. But Facebook is not as easy to unfriend. And maybe it's because I, personally don't unfriend people on Facebook unless they have gone to extreme lengths to piss me off, I couldn't help but wonder WTF?
The Hubs thinks I make too much out of this. But here's my reasoning - why go to the trouble to drop me if there was no catalyst. After all we were just old friends from school now. And if there was a catalyst WTF was it? The Hubs theorized his new girlfriend made him ditch me. However, that would have meant he told her all about his naughty side. Which, knowing him is not too likely. Plus, if I did something to make him uncomfortable then I'd like to know what so I can avoid this in the future.
Instead I'm left to wonder. Was it something I did? Was it something he thought he did? Was it that he just couldn't handle that he fucked a friend from his real life. It could be anything, and I'll never know. The part that bothers me is how did it go from so easy to so weird? There are many other playmates and potential playmates that I can see it going awkward. Hell, some of them start of and stay awkward. But this one was different, well at least I thought it was!
Oh well, such is life I guess...
The Wife