Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Numbers



 
A few weeks ago The Hubs and I were out with vanilla friends for happy hour and I was chatting with the girls. Somehow one friend asked another if she and her boyfriend had already had "the talk" about their number of sexual partners. Her response was perfect, she said - "I don't think anyone over the age of 30 needs to ever have that conversation. We know we're not the first and let's just leave it at that"...
 
Good point... especially if you're in an open relationship.
 
So when {none other than} The Newbie Hub asked how many people we'd been with since we had first met up with him. You know, because we're fucking everyone else all the time. Right....But it did get me thinking. .. what do outsiders think our numbers could be? Especially our few vanilla friends who know about us, do they think we're on our way to Wilt Chamberlain league? And what about all of you, who read my stories.... ever thought about it?
 
Well, first of all let's not be all Judgey McJudgerton about it, we're all here for the same reason and that's bound to up your numbers from having a monogamous relationship. That's only logic. And I do believe that for the most part fellow swingers are not thinking this way. But... I know two men who know of my lifestyle and I can assure you they have both wondered about this. Neither of these guys is anywhere near virgin status either, and both have for the majority of their knowledge of me thought of me as a "good girl". So I'd imagine their imaginations are running wild.
 
Ah, if only it were so simple. The reality is potential and permission does not equal opportunity and availability. As in, just because someone may have permission to fuck outside of their marriage doesn't mean it's happening on a regular basis. For you men out there it's basically like a batting average.
 
 
 
We may talk to tons of people online but only a few make it to the instant messenger.  From there we weed through them further before anyone gets a phone number (harder to get rid of a texter!) and from that we meet even fewer. Before you know it we're meeting people like The Travelers and The Newbies and guess what kids - we didn't fuck either of them! And quite frankly the ones we have played with have given me so much material that I have been using the same people for a multitude of different blog posts. So I'm going to guess you'd all be over inflating my numbers.
 
After all, I'm just a sweet little ole Wife in Florida. ;)
 
 
 The Wife

Monday, January 21, 2013

Assumptions




You know that phrase about what happens when you assume something? Let me tell you, when you're making assumptions about a swinger marriage it is no different.
 
One of the red flags when I was talking to The Newbie Hub was his assumptions about my marriage. He was brand new to the lifestyle so I give him some slack for being completely clueless. Instead I took his assumptions were more a window into his marriage and his life and began to set off alarms in my head. So here are my thoughts on my favorite of his idiotic assumptions.
 
Assumption: I/We need swinging to fill some void we are feeling in our marriage/sex life.
 
Reality: Couldn't be farther from the truth. My particular brand of weird means I get sexually excited being a slut in front of my husband. Doesn't mean The Hubs isn't fulfilling all of my needs, or me his. Makes me think The Hubs and I joking about how your 30-something wife needs more than your almost 50 year old cock can give her wasn't too far from your truth.
 
Assumption: The Hubs and I don't have sex unless we are playing. No shit. He asked me if we had played with anyone since we had met them the first time. I said no, that we hadn't played with anyone in a while. His response was something to the effect of that I had built-up sexual energy to unleash on him due to my lack of opportunity.
 
Reality: Seriously? If you think I'm not fucking The Hubs as well as our play then you're just stupid. In my personal opinion, if you're not having regular sex with your spouse you shouldn't be in the lifestyle to begin with.
 
Assumption: The Hubs would go to extraordinary lengths to attain the ability to fuck any pussy other than mine. "He'd probably drive three states away for some pussy"
 
Reality: Sigh... oh how naive and stupid you are. While The Hubs has his own reasons for enjoying swinging, he is not in anyway starved for pussy. Nor is he so incredibly bored with what he has at home that he would move heaven and earth for a little bit of strange. I mean really?
 
I'm just asking that you think before you speak. If any of the above describes you, please don't email me. If it sounds like things you think about me, The Hubs and our marriage or swingers as a whole, oh please oh please, lose my email address!
 
The Wife

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Friendship



 
 
 
Last week we got an email on our SLS profile. It read something to the effect of this:
 
      'We'd love to meet but want to be honest. We're on here to have fun and make new friends. But we're not here to swing.'
 
Newsflash: It's called SwingLifestyle dot com. As in we're all there for one reason... Sex. We've seen this before but it seems to be increasing in frequency. You'll pull up a couple profile and start reading only to find midway down that they're really here looking for "like minded, potty-mouthed friends only". Guess what... I have friends! I love my vanilla friends and I'm not on a swinger website to find new vanilla friends. If a friendship blooms out of our meeting then awesome, but my main goal should be to fuck you, not plan our summer vacations with the kids.
 
As we've just gotten through with the fiasco of The Newbies we're a little closer to the sick-and-tired end of the spectrum. So The Hubs responded with the best rejection ever. It was something along the lines of "figure your shit out before making a profile" but in a much, much nicer way. He is much nicer than I am, I think I would have also included this little bit of advice:
 
Please look up at the top of your computer screen and verify that you are in fact on a website called "SwingLifestyle.com" and then ask yourself, did you think we were talking about a swing set at the neighborhood park? Maybe you need to define "swinger" for you, so here's some help with that. Definition of Swinger/Swing Lifestyle . Now please do me a favor, delete your profile and head to Facebook for some vanilla friendships.
What...too harsh?

The Wife

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Newbies and Plan B



 
 
We began talking to The Newbies when they emailed us on SLS about a month ago. When I say Newbie, I mean the newest of new, the swinger-play virgin. They had never been in any kind of swinger situation. Ever.
 
Yikes.
 
We decided to not hold that against them, everyone has to have a first, right?  They had been burned in their quest for their firsts online and wanted to meet in person pretty quickly. We were heading out that weekend so we decided to meet up with just before Christmas on our second visit to Eyz. The time together was awkward. The Hubs and I quickly agreed that play was not a good idea that night. They came into the Hedo room with us for a while but eventually left and got a private room to play alone.
 
I honestly never thought we'd here from them again. I sort of got the impression that there was an uneven level of interest in getting into the lifestyle. She wanted in and he wasn't as sure. Two weeks later we got an instant message saying they'd love to have another shot at play and they'd really like to get together. This time The Newbie Hub wanted to text with me to break the ice so that when we got together it wouldn't be as awkward, hopefully anyway.
 
We started texting with less than one week to the planned meeting at Eyz. It was still awkward but at least it wasn't face-to-face and it was quite informative... Pretty soon I had a feeling we were headed for a train wreck.
 
They weren't on the same page (she was texting The Hubs too) about if they were allowed to do certain things. (hence this post) He made a few jokes about me needing swinging to fill a gap in my sex life. She stopped texting any time The Hubs would ask her a real question. When I asked how he thought he would feel watching his wife with another man he basically told me he thought he'd be distracted enough to handle it. (uh oh)  They claimed to be "highly sexual people" but didn't own any toys, watch porn or even sext.
 
Danger, Will Robinson, DANGER! (that's what I was hearing in my head)
 
On top of this he talked down about himself. And it made it sound like play wouldn't be a real possibility, or any fun if it did happen.  He said things like "I hope I can perform at all" and "I don't know what I'm doing with oral sex, but I'd be OK trying it on you"... So to sum up, we have a man who I have a neutral attraction to, who says he's probably not going to be able to get hard but if he does he has no idea what he's doing and he's going to be completely ignoring his wife and The Hubs in hopes of not realizing that they're doing anything.
 
Sounds like a great time, huh?
 
Despite the feeling that we were headed for disaster we moved forward with the plans. The Hubs kept saying he felt I was taking one for the team. I prefer to look at it as going with the flow and see what happened. But I was nervous, oh so nervous.
 
We got there first and got a table with and arranged the seats how each husband could get in close with the other wife. Still unsure of how he would react to anyone showing attention to his wife The Hubs and I decided that while in the club section of Eyz he would make sure he showed The Newbie Wife some physical affection and gauge the reaction from him. They arrived and the fun began.
 
They got drinks and we settled in for some greeting conversation. The Newbie Hub was rubbing my back but it didn't feel like a sexual rub, it was more like a comforting rub. I don't know how to describe it, it was just weird. The Hubs is so slick I didn't even see him slipping his hands onto The Newbie Wife, but he stroked her leg and whispered in her ear. The Newbie Hub was standing slightly behind me but when I talked to him he was somewhat snippy. I brushed it off as poor attempt at humor.
 
After about 15 minutes while The Hubs went to the bar for another round of our drinks The Newbies excused themselves to the buffet. When The Hubs came back we joked that they were totally around the corner having a talk about us! He filled me in on the look he had been getting from The Newbie Hub anytime he touched her. Apparently from behind me he was burning holes into The Hubs with his eyes at every touch.
 
Yikes.
 
Before long they were back at the table. He immediately came clean that he wasn't ready, it wasn't her at all and it was him 100%. The Hubs and I told them it was absolutely no problem. No hard feelings. We were both really impressed he had enough guts to admit it right away rather than wait until we were in a naked/awkward situation or worse, go through with it anyway! She looked resigned to the facts and said no less than 4 times that she was ready and it was him that was backing out. They stayed for drinks and people watching and then eventually went over to the play side and we stayed in the club. Just like that, it was over.
 
I hope that they went home and had an honest discussion about their wants and fantasies. If you ask me, they need to delete their SLS profile. He is not ready, he probably never will be and that is OK. As her husband he has the right to say No to the swing lifestyle. I just hope she doesn't continue to pressure him.
 
That left The Hubs and I on our own. Except - when you're sitting with another couple it sorta cramps your style. I mean you can't really drop them like a hot potato and be like OK, see ya we're going to find someone else. We ended up heading over to the play area on our own. We walked around the area that was closed for construction the last time we were there. Eventually we settled in the Hedo room. We played around for a little while but soon the heat in the room and the excessive alcohol I drank were taking it's toll. We decided to head for home before getting to into play.
 
We had just gotten rid of the babysitter about 1 am and I was looking forward to fucking The Hubs and passing out naked in bed. That's when my text message went off. A message from a former playmate, The Hardbody.(He gets this name because even his ass is solid as a rock. Now, he's dumb as a box of rocks - but physically he is very fit.) We have played once but have kept in touch. I laughed, what are the odds I thought. The Hubs (being the sober one) picked up my phone and started texting with him. Before I knew it The Hubs announced that The Hardbody was on his way so I needed to get up and brush my hair!
 
WHAT??!!
 
Yep, 30 minutes later I was greeting him at the door in my new black lace lingerie. Pleasantries exchanged and I got on my knees in front of The Hardbody's hard cock and started sucking, licking and playing. The Hubs snapped a few pics and got undressed to join in the spot next to him so I could go back and forth on them. Love that!
 
Soon I was laid on my back sucking The Hubs cock while The Hardbody licked my pussy. After a while The Hubs blasted all over my face as The Hardbody licked and fingered me. I got a towel for my face and The Hardbody put a condom on and slid into my tight pussy. The Hubs was getting ready again when he suggested we go for a little Double Penetration. (I'm no stranger to DP with toys, but finding a guy who is also interested in it is surprisingly difficult, so this was a first!) The Hardbody laid down and I got on top of him while The Hubs lubed up. After getting The Hardbody's cock into my pussy The Hubs got on the bed and slid into my ass. Holy Fuckballs. I was filled and loving it. We fucked like this until The Hubs blasted another load into my ass.
 
I flipped over and told The Hardbody it was time for him to split me open. He pushed my legs up and slid back into me. The Hubs had cleaned up and was still hard and now stroking himself as he watched me get pounded. The Hardbody asked where I wanted his load and I told him my chest, he pulled out and The Hubs slipped back in and started fucking me again. The Hardbody stepped around the side of me, ripped off the condom and blasted a hot load all over me. I blasted all over The Hubs and milked him dry as The Hardbody watched.
 
After that we cleaned up and said our goodbyes. After he left was one of my favorite post-playtime events... The Hubs "reclaiming" me as his. As in, another 45 minutes of straight-out pound the fuck out of me sex. So. Fucking. Hot. I came and came and came again. Eventually he ran out of steam (I've come to realize The Hubs is the exception and is the energizer bunny of sex!) and we both rolled over and passed out.
 
So, even though the night absolutely didn't go as planned it was one hell of a hot night! I however, woke up with quite the head and sex hangover...At least the latter is worth it.
 
The Wife

Friday, January 11, 2013

The Big Conversation


 
 
The Hubs and I are currently dealing with some newbies, and while everyone comes does swinging differently I have to say there is one thing you absolutely must have some form of. That is The Big Conversation with your spouse. Basically, what are you each comfortable with. And I'm talking nitty-gritty details. If you can't be honest with your own spouse please don't even make the online profile.
 
I can't and won't pretend to be an expert in the Swinger Lifestyle but please save yourself (and all of us) a whole bunch of misery and headache by having The Big Conversation before you set up even a meet and greet. Notice, not before you think you'll play - have it before the first meeting - you just never know if your meet & greet is going to turn into more.
 
There is actually a lot to discuss, and sometimes it hard to know where to even begin. I put together a list of some of the topics I think it would be helpful to discuss before the first meeting. Not everyone needs to cover each of these topics and I'm sure there are ones that I don't have - but the conversation has to start somewhere!
 
 
In no particular order:
 
Kissing
Personally, I never would have guessed this was such an issue. To me, it is more intimate of an act to suck a cock, but for some people kissing is the most intimate act and is saved for a spouse/partner only. There is no right and wrong, so find out what your spouse is OK with. Certainly wouldn't want to be on a different page about this one, after all as it usually happens early in the play the night could go downhill awfully fast.
 
Same Room vs. Separate Room
Are you OK with going to two rooms or do you want to play in one? This is such a personal preference. Some people don't want to watch their partner, some people do. Some people are distracted, some have performance issues and for others there is no option except to be together. There is no predicting this one. Figure it out before everyone is horned up and not thinking clearly.
 
Condoms
Are they always needed or are you OK without them? For us, they're a must. But not everyone feels the same way and you may not guess correctly what your spouse thinks.
 
Cum Placement (I love how scientific that sounds)
OK so this is more for how The Hubses out there feel about their Wives getting splattered. Are you OK with swallowing? Collect & Spit? Facials? Cumming on the body? Shooting inside of your pussy with or without a condom on? I'm sure the list goes on, this was one of the first topics we discussed, and the first rules we set. For us, no cumming in my mouth. Ever. You can cum pretty much anywhere else except in my mouth. I always tell my potential playmates that I will tell them where I want it, and most of the time it's on my chest or in the condom.
 
Holes
Yes, I'm talking about anal. If you're into it you need to discuss if it is OK to share your ass with someone other than your spouse. I have a twitter page people, I've seen a lot of stuff - and there are some people who clearly enjoy anal - so figure it out, is it OK for you or not? For us, it's reserved for The Hubs. I mean, really for me anal is the most intimate act possible. Just my thoughts, no judgement if you don't agree :)
 
Playing Alone
Note, this is not the same as Same Room vs. Separate Room. In that instance your spouse is getting banged down with his or her own playmate. This is a question of if it is OK to have one person at home chilling with the kids while the other is out having a fuck-fest? My suggestion is to figure this out before you're spouse is looking at you with eyes that say "I really want to fuck him/her tonight and we have no sitter... Sooooo..." you're either OK with it or not. You'll avoid resentment if you talk about this one early.
 
and last but almost most importantly...
 
Veto Power
This is an honest to goodness piece of advice. No one person in a marriage is more important than the other, so no one should ever have to do something outside of their comfort range. Make sure you both know that no matter what even if everything looks great on paper and it's just a gut feeling every one has complete and instant veto power. And any time in any situation either The Hubs or I can pull the plug with no hard feelings. You say the word and we're out of here, together. No matter what. Now, be prepared for a WTF conversation in the car so the other can get caught up but if you're not on your spouses side first please don't make that online profile! Just sayin'.
 
The Wife


 


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

An Honor



I'm honored to be among the list of Sexiest Blogs of 2012 as named by Red Region Inferno.



Clearly Aarron is a genius! Check out the full list here.

The Wife

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Recycled

As many swingers as there are out there and despite the large city I live in you'd be amazed at how many times we come across the same profiles over and over again. Most swingers have multiple profiles (we have two, SLS and AFF) and eventually to some degree everyone starts to look the same. And you find yourself saying "Didn't we talk to them already?" on more than one occasion. One of the nice things about SLS vs. AFF is they have a "conversation history" option. Meaning, we can actually know for sure if we have or have not talked to the person/couple before.

I wish there was a way to mark the profile with notes of who they are and if they are someone you dropped like a hot potato as fast as you could and should do again. But there isn't, so sometimes you don't even realize you're talking to a recycled until you get a picture and see a familiar face. We had two recycled potentials show up lately, both strange situations.

The first was a "couple" that lives about an hour away. The Hubs chatted with the guy on AFF and exchanged instant messenger screen names and set up a time when we could talk later that night. When I added the name to our IM account the avi that popped up was a familiar one. We had talked to this "couple" about a year to a year and a half ago. Back then she was never around to chat, it was always him even when he would set up a time to "meet up" (im) later so the four of us could chat. They would never show. So, when I remembered this I predicted (correctly turns out) that they wouldn't show for the planned chat-date that night. After the no-show I looked at the profiles again, remembering that the first time we had chatted through SLS. No picture showed the two of them together, so I'm pretty sure "they" are a "couple"... delete!

The second actually freaked The Hubs and I out a bit. We got a friend request on our IM account from a single man. The Hubs looked at the profile picture and asked if I had given that guy our screen name. "Uh. No, that dude is creepy looking" I replied. He said he had seen an email from that guy on SLS but had decided not to respond to him, so he was freaked out as to how he had gotten our screen name. We blocked him and wondered if we had been hacked somehow, but then what purpose would that serve? A few days later I logged in to our AFF account and went browsing through old potentials. There he was, Mr. Creepy himself. Apparently he had grown his hair out so I didn't recognize him at first but he was someone we had given our name to from AFF about a year ago. Apparently he recognized us on SLS and took it upon himself to restart the conversation.

Makes me wonder have we really run out of potentials that we seem to keep coming across the same options? Is there a swinger shortage or something?

The Wife