The Big Conversation

 

 

The Hubs and I are currently dealing with some newbies, and while everyone comes does swinging differently I have to say there is one thing you absolutely must have some form of. That is The Big Conversation with your spouse. Basically, what are you each comfortable with. And I'm talking nitty-gritty details. If you can't be honest with your own spouse please don't even make the online profile.

 

I can't and won't pretend to be an expert in the Swinger Lifestyle but please save yourself (and all of us) a whole bunch of misery and headache by having The Big Conversation before you set up even a meet and greet. Notice, not before you think you'll play - have it before the first meeting - you just never know if your meet & greet is going to turn into more.

 

There is actually a lot to discuss, and sometimes it hard to know where to even begin. I put together a list of some of the topics I think it would be helpful to discuss before the first meeting. Not everyone needs to cover each of these topics and I'm sure there are ones that I don't have - but the conversation has to start somewhere!

 

 

In no particular order:

 

Kissing

Personally, I never would have guessed this was such an issue. To me, it is more intimate of an act to suck a cock, but for some people kissing is the most intimate act and is saved for a spouse/partner only. There is no right and wrong, so find out what your spouse is OK with. Certainly wouldn't want to be on a different page about this one, after all as it usually happens early in the play the night could go downhill awfully fast.

 

Same Room vs. Separate Room

Are you OK with going to two rooms or do you want to play in one? This is such a personal preference. Some people don't want to watch their partner, some people do. Some people are distracted, some have performance issues and for others there is no option except to be together. There is no predicting this one. Figure it out before everyone is horned up and not thinking clearly.

 

Condoms

Are they always needed or are you OK without them? For us, they're a must. But not everyone feels the same way and you may not guess correctly what your spouse thinks.

 

Cum Placement (I love how scientific that sounds)

OK so this is more for how The Hubses out there feel about their Wives getting splattered. Are you OK with swallowing? Collect & Spit? Facials? Cumming on the body? Shooting inside of your pussy with or without a condom on? I'm sure the list goes on, this was one of the first topics we discussed, and the first rules we set. For us, no cumming in my mouth. Ever. You can cum pretty much anywhere else except in my mouth. I always tell my potential playmates that I will tell them where I want it, and most of the time it's on my chest or in the condom.

 

Holes

Yes, I'm talking about anal. If you're into it you need to discuss if it is OK to share your ass with someone other than your spouse. I have a twitter page people, I've seen a lot of stuff - and there are some people who clearly enjoy anal - so figure it out, is it OK for you or not? For us, it's reserved for The Hubs. I mean, really for me anal is the most intimate act possible. Just my thoughts, no judgement if you don't agree :)

 

Playing Alone

Note, this is not the same as Same Room vs. Separate Room. In that instance your spouse is getting banged down with his or her own playmate. This is a question of if it is OK to have one person at home chilling with the kids while the other is out having a fuck-fest? My suggestion is to figure this out before you're spouse is looking at you with eyes that say "I really want to fuck him/her tonight and we have no sitter... Sooooo..." you're either OK with it or not. You'll avoid resentment if you talk about this one early.

 

and last but almost most importantly...

 

Veto Power

This is an honest to goodness piece of advice. No one person in a marriage is more important than the other, so no one should ever have to do something outside of their comfort range. Make sure you both know that no matter what even if everything looks great on paper and it's just a gut feeling every one has complete and instant veto power. And any time in any situation either The Hubs or I can pull the plug with no hard feelings. You say the word and we're out of here, together. No matter what. Now, be prepared for a WTF conversation in the car so the other can get caught up but if you're not on your spouses side first please don't make that online profile! Just sayin'.

 

The Wife