Tuesday, September 24, 2013

How To Survive a "Dry" Wedding

You may recall The Hubs and I had a bachelor/bachelorette weekend a few months ago for friends who were getting married. Well, for budgetary reasons only the couple cut booze out of the reception. Making it a dry wedding. This didn't sit too well for our friends and we (read: I) decided to take matter into our own hands. Here are my tips to surviving a dry wedding. 

Step 1: ignore the Bride telling you alcohol is prohibited and stop at liquor store for "travel-size" booze. (I was buying for my car of 6)

Step 2: Don't forget gum to mask the liquor-breath smell. After all, should you be caught you're getting kicked out. So keep it on the DL. 

Step 3: Fill your flask with additional booze. We chose Bacardi. 

Step 4: Start early. "You can't drink all day if you don't start at breakfast" should be your motto. Early drinking means less chance of getting caught at the wedding. We started with bailey's for our coffee on the trek to the wedding location. It was delightful!

Step 5: Pace yourself. If you are sucking down your "soda" in 5 minutes someone is bound to notice that you're extra thirsty and start watching you. 

Most important of all - keep that shit to yourself. If everyone starts hanging at your table for contraband word will spread quickly. Then, you're fucked. 

After that just chill out and enjoy your drink you've worked so hard for.

The Wife


  1. Good idea, but the bride banning booze from a wedding is ridiculous! We use those plastic collapsible flasks to sneak booze into sporting events, etc. They don't set off the metal detector and make my dick look extra big when its shoved down the front of my pants!

  2. Great tips...will keep them in mind!