This image seemed to work even for my naughty rules!
Rules...
They're everywhere aren't they? Seems everywhere you look someone is imposing a new rule. While being given a set of rules doesn't sound like something that is fun in the swing lifestyle for us it's key.
The Hubs and I have a set of rules that we have long ago agreed upon together. Don't go thinking we're all high maintenance and all that, it's only three rules and one of them is that condoms are a must. (I think I've rambled on the condom debate once before...) The Rules are in place so that both The Hubs and I know we are within the boundaries that we have set together. This means no matter what the situation (even if we stray from our "norms" like playing alone instead of same room) we know these limits are in place and it's one less thing to worry about and we can focus on the fun of the event(s).
Everyone is comfortable with different things, and if you've never been in the "I-wonder-if-my-spouse-is-ok-with-this" or "fuck-I-know-that-look" situation you probably agree with me that worrying about what is or isn't OK with your spouse is not the most sexy feeling in the world. Plus, if you've talked about this with your potential playmates before you get together to play there is less guess work and more time for fun.
Of course, where there are rules there will be an asshole who will break them. Our first MFM experience was many years ago. It was our first and last for a very long time because our playmate felt he didn't need to follow the rule (at that time it was just ONE!). He was "asked to leave" (read: thrown out on his ass) and dressed himself on our front porch.
Asshole.
As for General Practices these aren't hard & fast, just what we're used to. For example, we're full swap, same room. It's all we've ever done and what we prefer - but we are open to possibilities. It's not a rule, hard and fast but just what we do the most. Would we do separate room, possibly. Would we do soft swap, possibly. (although so far I think it's a waste of time) But my three rules won't change if I was in a new situation/experience.
For us, it works. Maybe there are couples that have no rules at all and anything goes. That's cool for you, it's not what works for us, but as with so many things in this lifestyle it's all about personal boundaries.
What about you, any rule lists shorter or longer than mine? What crosses the line for you and your spouse?
The Wife
I think rules are a good idea. We have just 3- only I get Veronica's ass, always use condoms, boundaries/limits must always be respected.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that swingers often start with more rules and as time goes on, they get rid of some of them. Which makes sense, since many of us are understandably anxious about the unknowns of partner swapping & want to exert some control. With experience comes confidence, so rules are jettisoned.
2/3 of your rules are our rules! lol
DeleteI have a question that I would really like some help on. My hubs and I have been together since we were 17...married at 21. We are now 28, and have been in the lifestyle for less than a year. I can give more background on the situation if you need, but I want to make a long story short. We recently met another couple at a lifestyle club. We haven't played with them together, but we have played with the hub in a MMMFF situation, and I have played with him in one-on-one situation (with the blessing of BOTH spouses). During our one-on-one, they hung out together at the club and talked. Since it was our first full separate room swap, she spent the time reassuring him- telling him how much I loved him and how I wouldn't leave him. She and I have always been very friendly and have even talked about doing girlfriend stuff together (mains-pedis, etc). Before we started doing full swap, she even offered me advice on jealousy. We have even gone out to dinner and a show (no sex!) with the couple- that was the last time we saw them until this weekend at the club. I never and flirty until he is, and when we all went out together I kept my hands on my own husband (not hers!). It seemed everything went well and we received a friendly text the next day saying they had a great time (from her). However, this weekend when we saw them at the club, she was very cold and he told me that she was feeling that I was falling in love with him. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate going on on my part- I love my husband and have for the past 10 years! Our intimacy and sex life has been enhanced by this experience. However, I don't know how to handle this situation. I do know that they played with a past couple where the female became clingy- but I only have her contact info. I don't even have any way to contact him other than when we see each other at the club. I am completely confused by where this came from, and a little heartbroken. While I enjoy having sex and flirting with him, I really like her and value her friendship. We want to keep this couple around- we like them on other levels besides sex- and I don't want to lose a playmate over a concern that doesn't exist.
ReplyDeleteHow can I handle this situation? How would you handle this situation?
Thanks in advance.