The MFMF that wasn't

Getting to play with The Youngens took about three weeks to come to fruition. Schedules didn't work out and we had to change plans twice before locking in a date for a recent weekend night.The plan was to go to their house and have dinner, hang out and well, get naked and fuck!

We ate dinner and had pleasant chit chat and ended up on the couch four-across. The Hubs decided to move down to sit on the floor below The Youngen Wife. He started rubbing on her legs and The Youngen Hubs decided he too would get in the action on me. He put his arm behind my back and started rubbing my shoulder. It was awkward because note I didn't say around my back, around my shoulders or anything like that. Behind my back. So I was forced to lean on his arm or sit forward. It was just weird but everyone is different so whatever. There we sat on the couch watching television. I knew someone had to make the first move.

I went to the bathroom which was off of the room we were watching TV in. I decided it was now or never, if I went back out it would just be awkward silences and wondering who was going to make the first move. We all know why we're here, don't we? So, I decided to pull The Naked Man.

 

As in, I emerged from the bathroom in just the lingerie I had hiding under my dress. The look on The Hubs face was p.r.i.c.e.l.e.s.s. Seconded by the look on The Youngens faces. It was utter shock. I say again, we know why we're here. It isn't to watch TV. She jumped up and ran to the bedroom to get her lingerie on and we soon joined her in there. We each switched spouses and started kissing and getting into the naughty part of the night.

This was pretty much where the MFMF went downhill for half of us involved!

We ladies were on the bed next to each other with the men both licking our pussies. I could tell The Hubs was working his magic by the moans The Youngen Wife was making. Her legs were pulled back and she was really getting into it. The Youngen Hubs was building up speed with his tongue and lightly sucking on my clit. After a while I guess he got really excited and he bit me. My clit, to be exact. Yes, he bit my clit.

OUCH! 

Sorry, I couldn't hold that one in. It hurt like a mother fucker. Needing a break I suggested we ladies get out our double-headed dildo we brought and put on a little show for the boys. We got on our knees and went butt to butt, or rather pussy to pussy, I guess. And The Hubs helped guide it in and started pulling us toward each other. I couldn't see anyone's face but it sure sounded like she was enjoying the other 1/2 of the dildo! She pushed against me fucking herself as the guys took turns pulling us together to get the dildo deeper into both of us. 

Soon it was time for The Youngen Hub to drop the boxers to reveal if the saying is true. You know, 'big things come in small packages'... that saying. Well... Not so much, but I have been with big dicks and little dicks and size is truly not an indicator for how good of a fuck he will be. Trust me. So I pulled his boxers off and he laid down on the bed while I went to work on him. (Side note - The Hubs and The Youngen Wife were right next to us, but I literally have no idea what they were doing at this time! Lol)

Despite all of the excitement I found his cock was in no way ready for me. No biggie, I can change that, I thought to myself and started working on getting him hard with my mouth. After a while he seemed to be showing signs of life. I kept going and he seemed to be enjoying it. In the midst of things The Hubs was talking somewhat dirty to the crowd. Almost cheering my cock-sucking on from next to me. I guess that inspired The Youngen Hubs to do the same and he whispered something to me that made me bite my lip mid cock-sucking. Unfortunately, that was to stop myself from laughing. It was just funny, but I pulled out all of my acting skills and he never knew I was secretly chuckling at his words. 

(Sidebar: no, I don't plan on telling you what he said. On its own it may not be so funny to you, but in the whole of the situation it was hilarious. Even The Hubs laughed when I told him! Oh, how your imaginations must be running wild!)

By now it seemed his cock was hard enough for the dreaded condom placement. I never realized until we started swinging what a total pain in the ass condoms could be. They are vital as it is 2013 and there is all kinds of shit floating around but the break in momentum can be a major problem for a guy's hard-on. He got it on and I got on my knees doggie-style. He slid his cock in and I felt two or three pumps, then heard a curse and he pulled out. He'd lost his hard-on.

No biggie, it happens! His wife came over to him and started licking and sucking on him to spring him back into action. I could tell it wasn't going too well. The Hubs suggested I jump in on the other side and help The Youngen Wife out with the cock-sucking. Knowing how much The Hubs enjoys two ladies on his cock at the same time I thought this would really spring him to action. And it did, after a while. And eventually he was ready again. I jumped up and got in position while his wife helped him with the condom. Soon I felt him slide in and start pumping. (Again, no idea what The Hubs was doing behind me with her!) This time I felt a good 10-15 pumps and then heard "no, no, no, nonononono.."

Yea, gone again. 

Again, not a big deal. I made no indication that this was a problem (I mean, obviously it is a problem, but the night was not dead yet. Totally salvageable) but he basically shut down. He instructed The Hubs to finish me at home (duh, that's a given!) and never tried to get back in on the action. 

At first he and I became the photographers as The Youngen Wife mounted The Hubs big cock. Pretty soon, realizing I was now a spectator only The Hubs told me to come sit on his face while she rode his cock. Works for me! I was licked and sucked (gently!!!) as she jumped up and down on his lower half moaning as she went. From there it became a MFF. The Youngen Hubs made no attempt to rejoin the fun or even get his body to spring to life. His loss, The Hubs gain! Lol! 

Eventually we ladies got on our knees as sucked on The Hubs (one of his favorite things to do with two ladies!) and then ended up making a train to finish. I laid on my back, she was licking me while getting pounded from behind by The Hubs. All while The Youngen Hubs watched and took pictures. 

When we finished up we sat around on the bed for a few minutes. I could tell The Hubs could absolutely go again, and wanted to. But I also knew that The Youngen Hubs had given up long before and was now filling the air with excuses. Claiming that only one hour before we arrived he had fucked the hell out of his wife, and it was her fault he couldn't perform. Yes, he really told us and her that it was her fault...

After finding all of our clothing, gathering the toys and condom wrappers we made our goodbyes with open ended plans to meet again. 

On the way home The Hubs and I started to re-hash the details. At one point he started to laugh at me and said, "ok, so you're never going to play with him again but do you care if I play alone with her?" I said I didn't care as long as I knew about all the goings-on! 

We made it home and loaded our pipe and started smoking and relaxing. I took a shower and came out to find The Hubs getting text messages from The Youngen Wife. I assumed they were chatting about the fun they'd had etc. However, I would soon find out she was complaining. The Hubs apparently fucked her so well that she was sore. And she was bitching up a storm about it. Yep, you're reading this correctly... Her husband didn't even participate and here she is COMPLAINING about getting fucked too good by my man? 

The irony is almost more than I can take. 

Her bitching ruined the fun that The Hubs had with her. Almost like it retroactively sucked the life out of the party. And, as a result, at least for now, we've sworn off super young playmates. So much drama and so little payoff! 

The Wife

Exclusive

When most people think of the Swinger lifestyle they think of No-Strings-Attached. Maybe the stereotype lends toward fantasies of bed-hopping with a different person each night. I am sure for some people that is true. For others (like us) we are just in this for the fun of the unexpected. But what about exclusivity? Would that even be in the top 10 things you would think of associating with the Swinger lifestyle? I'm guessing not, yet we have heard it several times.

We were introduced to the concept of Exclusive Swinging when one of our first couples told us how they were approached on the subject. The idea is simple; you find that one special couple and only swing/swap with them. 

Huh? Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of swinging? 

We've all thought about finding that BFF couple. You know, the one you can hang out with as friends and sex-partners. The Saturday night BBQ friends who you happen to fool around with after the kids are in bed. This isn't that situation, this scenario is setting up 100% exclusive swinging with one couple alone.

Here is the main problem with that: If I've learned anything in my adult-life it is that no matter how amazing something is if you do it often enough it will become mundane. The taboo of it will wear off and before you know it you're still fucking the same partner over and over again it just isn't the one you're in love with. 

Uh, yea... no thanks! The only person I'm wiling to be exclusive with is The Hubs. I could fuck & suck that man everyday for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it! Duh, that is why I married him. 

If we wanted one partner and one partner alone we'd just be monogamous together. I mean, really? Is this a tough concept? Yet through the years we have heard of this a few times. We hear "We're not looking for one-night stands, but an exclusive couple to fool around with" 

So, monogamous swingers? Just the thought still cracks me up every time.

The Wife

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

It is one of my pet peeves when someone asks a question but they don't really want the answer to it. If you ask a question you should be prepared for an honest answer.

No, I'm not saying take an asshole of a response and be perfectly fine with it. I'm just saying if you don't want to know. Don't ask.

There are certain questions we already know the answer to; "Does this make me look fat?" for example. When a woman asks someone this she already feels fat in the outfit in question. If you say yes, you're an asshole. If you say no, you're a big ole liar. Either way she is probably not going to wear whatever it was because she already feels fat in it.

See what I'm saying? Don't bother asking. There are some things we can go our whole life not knowing and many times that is just perfectly fine. If I ask a question it is because I am prepared for the answer and I genuinely want your thoughts on the subject. No need to pussy-foot around. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask.

In swinging there are plenty of these questions. For example:

Do you find him/her more attractive than me?
Did he/she fuck/suck/etc better than me?
Was his cock bigger than mine?
Was her pussy tighter than mine?

These are land-mine questions. You should never ever ever, EVER ask these unless you are fully prepared for the cold hearted truth. If your spouse lies it is even worse (and deep down we know if they lie) but if the truth is said out loud it is a potential nuclear explosion. I'm never going to ask those questions. I know better! It is just setting The Hubs and I up for one helluva argument and the sentiment will replay in my head forever.

So before you open your mouth think through the responses. How are you going to feel when he tells you that yea, she is prettier, better in bed etc. not so great. And sometimes ignorance is blissful.

The Wife

Uneven Couples

When one half of the couple is hot and the other half is not.

What do you do?

I'm sure The Hubs would agree with me; you can't pick the playmate's spouse. We have found some of the oddest couples in this lifestyle. So many we look at and say "really, you married him/her??" Some of the time we are convinced that their disconnect in attractiveness is a factor in their choice to swing. (Yes, I know that is horribly judgemental. I don't say it to their faces, it is simply an inside joke used in our people watching) But what it means is sometimes one of us gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes literally.

The Youngens are young. Like 11 & 12 years my junior. As in, they were carded when we went out for drinks. On two separate occasions. But hey, who cares right? We laughed it off and moved on.

Now, according to their profile I anticipated being about 5 inches taller (bare footed) and *cough cough* pounds more than The Youngen Hubs. I was already self-conscious about that. Then when he arrived I found out it is more like 6 inches and *COUGH COUGH* pounds. It is the perfect-storm combination of a super small guy and I'm on the curvy side. Soo... I am a giant.

But The Youngen Wife? She is a whole other story. I actually asked The Hubs is she was the hottest playmate yet for him. He thinks she is stunning. She has big ole natural boobies, she's curvy in all the right places and has a really pretty face.

So, now what?

If I met The Youngen Hubs as a single man the answer would be no. I wouldn't bother pushing my comfort zone. Not because he is short. I've been with guys shorter than me, I really don't give a fuck. This guy isn't just short, everything about him is small. His whole frame is tiny.

Except I didn't meet him as a single. He came with a hottie wife. And even though The Hubs and I have a standing "No-taking-one-for-the-team" policy, how can I cock-block The Hubs just because this guy makes me feel like Andre the Giant? I can't. Maybe it is my turn to give a little. After all The Hubs has never told me no to a couple because of something as trivial as my issue.

So, we press on. I am staying open minded about what the future may bring. Knowing that for some reason Swinger Couples are just weird sometimes. But, you never know what fun the next couple may bring.

The Wife

Internet Strength

It's the idea is since you aren't face to face the user feels safer and emboldened to say more, do more etc. The power driven primarily from being anonymous. We've all had some experience with it, whether we know it or not. Be it a fake profile on a swinger site or some other version, we've almost all run into someone using the power of the Internet to hide their reality.

The Hubs and I often discuss the idea of Internet Strength when it comes to the getting-to-know-you portion of conversation with a potential playmate. The problem is in The Swing Lifestyle, Internet Strength can backfire pretty quickly. If you've claimed to be supermodelesque with amazing deep-throat blow job skills but show up looking like Honey Boo-Boo's Mom and gag on the cock head no one is going to leave happy.

I always thought it was the totally fake profiles that were the real issue, but in reality we're all part of it. As much as we'd all like to claim we haven't, at some point each of us has used the power of Internet Strength. I never would have thought I was part of the problem, until I met The Eye Opener.

It was early in our Swing Life, and we chatted for a long time before getting to finally meet in person. He asked and I answered yes to my ability to squirt (but did not fill in the fact that only The Hubs has been able to make it happen) so he was honestly expecting to be covered in my gush. The problem is, it didn't happen. But he kept waiting for it, and telling me to do it. And talking about how any second now it was going to happen. And then it got awkward because we all realized it wasn't going to happen.

I know you're all sitting there thinking about how it was his job to get me to that point or he was just a bad fuck. However true any and or all of those statements may be {see what I did there? hehe} I later realized to his credit, he was only waiting for what I had told him about. The Eye Opener had been told I was able to do something and since downplaying your skills isn't sexy I didn't stop him from thinking it was a super easy task to accomplish. I never played up my ability but I didn't downplay it either and clearly his imagination ran wild with a small bit of information.

I often think of this when I'm talking to a new-potential playmate. I want to be honest with my answers while also still doing my best to make myself sound like a sex-goddess. (hello, that's the point isn't it?) The good news is that most married and or experienced swingers that I've met seem to understand the power of Internet Strength. They know that despite all of the talk some things just don't materialize in the actual play time.  (*Cough Cough* like that magically huge cock we've all seemed to run into)  But if you go into the situations open minded and enjoy the events as they unfold you never know where you'll end up.

The Wife

When she likes your man a little too much

Swinging is at its most basic level about sex. Sure, everyone has their own individual reasons why or how they got into swinging, but in the end it is about no-strings-attached sex.

NSA sex means no emotional attachment. But every once in a while you'll find playmate or potential playmate that seems to be growing an extra attachment to you or your spouse. Typically it isn't the dude - because let's face it - generally {stereotypically} speaking men aren't usually the ones getting emotionally involved. Not saying it isn't possible - but it is more unlikely to have a married man in a swing relationship finding emotional connections.

What am I talking about with an emotional attachment? Well, it isn't always easily defined. Sometimes it is a comment made, or a general feeling of the conversation. Sometimes it is a little more obvious with statements "I'm yours" or "I'd do anything for you" And my personal favorite something along the lines of "I'd break my rules for you"...

Say what??!

Oh, ladies, let me break it down for you. The Hubs is one of THE BEST flirters I've ever encountered. He can make any woman think that the thought of fucking her is the sole reason for his waking up each day. But in reality, sorry to be the one breaking this to you, but he only wants to fuck you. So don't go getting all emotionally connected. It won't end prettily for you.

So how do I handle it? Well, I'm not saying I'm not more apt to watch the playmate a little closer than others. Maybe that is crazy. (that is not beyond possibility!) Maybe it is jealousy. But the key is to keep communicating with The Hubs about the situation. After all, he sees it too! The whole thing could be just a misunderstanding. Maybe that is just how some ladies flirt. But my only "fear" is someone like this will become a stage-five clinger after she gets a little piece of The Hubs and drama will ensue.

The only reason a potential wouldn't be immediately shut down with conversation like that is because I know and most importantly I trust The Hubs. I may not know the playmate very well but almost 17 years at each others side gives me a pretty clear idea of what The Hubs is in it for. I am perfectly willing to share him sexually but the rest is mine and mine alone.

So let's keep our emotions in check and as far away from my man as possible, 'k? ;)

The Wife

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: The Checklist

When we met the guys at the bar they asked where The Bride's checklist was. Since we didn't have one they asked if we had a pen, they would make one for her. Soon we had a napkin with these five items:

1. Have a guy buy you a shot.
2. Take a picture with two guys kissing your cheeks at the same time.
3. Kiss a girl for 5 seconds.
4. Dance on the table/bar.
5. Sing with the band.

The first two they took care of right away. Obviously they were oh-so-willing and able to help The Bride out. Numbers 4 and 5 were going to be difficult since we weren't with a live band and the table at our seat was a plastic patio set so that was sort of out also. Of course, this left the one they really wanted to see. What they didn't know is The Bride has proclaimed multiple times that she is in fact, bisexual and was surprised she ended up with a man. Of course, The Newbie Friend didn't realize this yet. So she volunteered for the kiss.

I was sitting directly across the table from them so I had a perfect view of them both. They started going and we started counting it down for them. They were clearly both into it, I mean this was no peck and hold. But five seconds passes rather quickly and The Newbie Friend stopped right at the cut off. For a split second though, if you were paying close attention you could see that The Bride was actually mid-lean going in for more when The Newbie Friend stopped the kiss.

I did my best to not laugh out loud at The Bride's stopped-short reaction. Of course The Guys loved it. And The Newbie Friend enjoyed the "wildness" of her moment, giggling it off as drunken bachelorette-party shenanigans. Clearly The Bride enjoyed herself and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed! Pretty sure within the next five minutes The Bride reminded us {aaagain} of her bisexuality. I don't know, maybe she was trying to test out the waters. Who knows, I don't think she would have really cheated on her finance. Either way I'm sure it was all entertaining to the crowd around us!

The Wife