Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Everyone always wants to know how we came to be the swinger couple we are today. I can assure you neither of us woke up one day thinking "hey, let's start fucking other people" out of the blue. It just doesn't happen that way. It's an evolution. From prude to slut. From Monogamy to Open relationships it all starts somewhere and (from what I can see) never stops growing and changing. 

To say I was sexually inexperienced when I started dating The Hubs probably goes without saying, hell I was only 16! But, inexperienced alone does not make a prude like I was. It was that I was absolutely unwilling to try almost anything. 

I grew up in a family of modesty and 100% void of any and all sexuality. As in we didn't call a "bra" by its real name so as to not embarass my brother. This meant I was in no way prepared to be sexy to anyone. Truth be told, I stopped the getting-to-know process with The Hubs when we first met for talking about how much he wanted to grab my ass. It made me crazily uncomfortable. 

Yea, I know...

Somehow The Hubs stuck it out with me and I eventually loosened up some with him. {I still had to ask what he meant by blow job, ok?} And slowly but surely we tried new things together. It was all new to me so lingerie, videoing, toys etc. it was all new and slowly we worked our way through the "basics". 

We got married and I came to realize that a missionary-sex-vanilla life was never going to be enough to keep The Hubs happy. Eventually I learned to be more willing to try things. And The Hubs having an adventurous (especially sexually) spirit he kept pushing me (in a good way) to try to find what I liked. 

But I was stubborn. There were things I was NOT willing to try. The greatest example is anal sex. I remember one time sitting in a therapist's office trying to talk in code because I didn't want to even say it. I'll never forget it, I said:

   "There are just some things that I'm not willing to do! I mean there is this one thing {a threesome} that isn't ever going to happen but then this other thing {anal sex} is N.E.V.E.R. going to happen"

See, stubborn!

Being the stubborn wife I was I began to think "maybe he can find another woman to be his anal sex partner" as in, as long as it wasn't me I was cool with him doing it with whomever! I thought of it as a win-win. He got to explore and I could hide in my shell and never try things that scared me. I think I mentioned the idea to The Hubs who kindly pointed out that an anal fuck-buddy was going to be more than a little difficult to pull off. 

Well, damn.

At the time, The Hubs job was keeping him away from home often. So I got the idea that he could pick up ladies on the road. You know, sort of a out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. Apparently I thought about it a lot more than I remember. I recently came across a journal of sorts that I had jotted down some notes on the subject. Here are some of my early rules:

*When overnight for REAL business travel and no more than one night per month. 
*Absolutely no one in our city or anyone we know.
*No money spent on said meeting.
*100% full disclosure and the spouse not doing the meeting has the right to ask any and all questions and they must be answered to full satisfaction.

{some of these are funny to me now because of the way I wrote them - like I say "the spouse" like it was ever going to be me doing the playing} 

Looking back on these proposals and how I was when we first met I have to laugh. Yes, some of these hold true (we do not spend money on "friends" and the full disclosure is a given for example) but most of my notes have gone out the window as we grew together. I no longer care if it is in our city or with people we know. (Hell, I'm the one who has banged one friend already and trying to bang a second one!) I no longer care if its anal, oral, vaginal sex or any and all of the above. I no longer want it to be solely The Hubs playing but rather both of us take part. I no longer want it to be hidden from my sight, I actually like to watch The  Hubs in action. I am no longer too scared to try {most} new things (ok, so I haven't quite worked up to playing alone yet) and I'm actually enjoying my life and I can honestly say I enjoy the sexual side of myself way more than I ever thought I could! 

I would say I have come an awfully long way. Talk about an evolution from prude to slut! 

The Wife

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