Attention

Dear Men,

I realize that women are confusing. For some of that I am sorry. But, I can help! It all boils down to one simple thing; positive attention. 

Now, it isn't the same amount of attention for every woman. Some women feel smothered easily, but if you look at the most basic of female-desires they are almost all based on positive attention from their playmate. 

Sound too easy? It really is that simple. 

If you compliment your wife/girlfriend throughout the day, or bring her flowers, or hold open the door, whatever it is for her - make her feel like you have thought about her all day...it will work to your advantage. The Hubs is a smart man and every once in a while he'll come home with a bag full of new panties for me from Frederick's. It is a win-win, he loves to see my ass in new sexy panties and it makes me feel sexy and confident which in turn benefits him! 

Exhibit A: 

Trust me. Try it out. Thank me later.

The swing life should be no different. No, I'm not asking for a date with flowers and candlelight. I actually don't want that from anyone other than The Hubs. But I'm also choosing to believe that my playmate has at least some level of interest in me and is not just there for a free, wet pussy. So it would be nice to think the guy trying to get in my pants was doing so because he thought I was at-the-very-least-somewhat-attractive. I don't know, call  crazy but the time I fucked a guy who didn't appear into "me" as much as my pussy it wasn't fun. I got very little from the experience other than a whole lotta self consciousness.

So, my advice? Fake it if you have to. But, make her feel like you think she is HOT, and I'm betting you will be rewarded. 

The Wife

The appeal of real life

With having accounts on AFF, SLS, going to Eyz and being on twitter you'd think the idea of real life flirtations would be unnecessary. Why potentially fuck up a real life friendship for one night of naughtiness when we have so many "sources" to find playmates. Yet... It happens, more than once. 

But, why? While I'm not entirely sure myself, I have boiled it down to two main reasons (that I can identify).

The first is, I am an exhibitionist. I never really knew how much until I got busted on twitter by a real life vanilla friend. I made my twitter profile private, changed my pictures to graphics and started keeping a low profile. And it was BOR.ING. Even though I don't post that many pics anymore I get a thrill out of showing off my hidden naughty side. 

And, let's face it. Fucking around with a real life friend is the ultimate exposing yourself, isn't it? Which brings me to my next theory; The good girl.

In my real life I've always been a "good girl". My group of friends may see a partying-Jane or hear stories of craziness but deep down I'm thought of as a wife, mother and (mostly) a somewhat-behaved woman. Also, being a very self-conscious person, male attention is always surprising to me. So it is even more surprising when someone who knows me as the "good girl" that I am in my vanilla life sees me in a sexual light. 

I mean, they know me for me. Not the twitter persona, no internet strength to make me more appealing. Just me. And they still want to fuck me. (Side note: I choose not to believe all men would fuck free pussy just because it's free and that these guys are actually finding me appealing) Not the me they think they know from flirting texts trying to set up a play date. Not the me that fills their timelines with TittyTuesday or ThongThursday pictures Just plain old me. And that's fucking hot.

I don't know, maybe it's just the extra taboo of it all. But it's wrong. And it's naughty. And complicated. But, hot-damn it does thrill me sometimes.

The Wife
 

How To Survive a "Dry" Wedding

You may recall The Hubs and I had a bachelor/bachelorette weekend a few months ago for friends who were getting married. Well, for budgetary reasons only the couple cut booze out of the reception. Making it a dry wedding. This didn't sit too well for our friends and we (read: I) decided to take matter into our own hands. Here are my tips to surviving a dry wedding. 

Step 1: ignore the Bride telling you alcohol is prohibited and stop at liquor store for "travel-size" booze. (I was buying for my car of 6)

Step 2: Don't forget gum to mask the liquor-breath smell. After all, should you be caught you're getting kicked out. So keep it on the DL. 

Step 3: Fill your flask with additional booze. We chose Bacardi. 

Step 4: Start early. "You can't drink all day if you don't start at breakfast" should be your motto. Early drinking means less chance of getting caught at the wedding. We started with bailey's for our coffee on the trek to the wedding location. It was delightful!

Step 5: Pace yourself. If you are sucking down your "soda" in 5 minutes someone is bound to notice that you're extra thirsty and start watching you. 

Most important of all - keep that shit to yourself. If everyone starts hanging at your table for contraband word will spread quickly. Then, you're fucked. 

After that just chill out and enjoy your drink you've worked so hard for.

The Wife

When men talk

The Hubs always tells me how he and "the guys" rarely discuss sex. But every once in a while I hear about discussion amongst them about this or that. And I would be completely full of shit if I didn't admit that when The Hubs brags on me or my skills I am instantly turned on. Like, big time. 

Once, a few months ago he was in discussion with The Friend. It was on a trip and somehow they got talking about me and the possibility of us hooking up. The Hubs was (once again) assuring him that this is how we work and it really would be ok. But what I remember the most from the story was one particular phrase. The Hubs told him that I may not have the model-perfect body; "but, she fucks like a Ferrari".

Hello, a Ferrari? Me?! 

It was several days later when I heard the story and it instantly made me wet and tingly. What a compliment! 

Months later it still has the same impact just thinking about it. Every once in a while The Hubs'll drop a random Ferrari comment into conversation with our friends. It gives me the same reaction each time. Instant turn on at just the memory of his bragging. I wonder if he even knows what it does to me. If he even remembers dropping that phrase about me or it is coincidence. Either way, I think of it. Every single time. And I secretly smile and do my best to hide how I'm squirming until I can get The Hubs alone and his cock deep in my throat. 

Mmm... 

The Wife

The Big Fuckup

Let's see, where to begin.

I have mentally written, rewritten, deleted, and vowed never to write many times over the last few weeks. Yet here I am actually starting a draft. Maybe I just need to write it out. Tell my story, get it off my shoulders. Maybe somewhere deep down I feel the need to confess. Maybe there is a part of me that thinks the blog readers wouldn't understand a lot of situational issues if I didn't share this story. I don't really know. 

Maybe it will just be a draft forever.  

I will start with one forewarning; there will be very few details. The situation is extremely personal and for several reasons at least for now I don't want to tell the whole story step by step. So you'll just have to wonder. 

So here goes...

I fucked The Friend.

Yup. He had a window of opportunity, I had a horny husband encouraging his wife to be naughty. So, after a long day I grew the proverbial balls and went to his house. 

So here are your details: We did not use a condom. He was beyond drunk and did not cum. He got a little rough with bites on my chest. I was there almost 4 hours. And most importantly the fuckup(s) are entirely my fault. (Not looking for pity, just trying to be honest)

The next day the tension between The Hubs and I was palpable. I was nauseous and I feared what was coming. He told me that afternoon that for several reasons he was not ok with some of the details of the encounter and he didn't think it could be repaired. 

Our marriage was in serious danger of being over.

Insert crying non-stop for several hours. Silently in front of my family, loud weeping when I was alone. 

See, a funny thing happens when you think your marriage is over. Much like the stereotypical near-death experience we hear about in movies, flashes of our married life passed before my eyes. All day I saw images and memories played out again and again. The way he left his pallbearer duties and came from across the church at my grandmother's funeral to be by my side as I lost it. The way he cried when I told him we were pregnant for the first time. And the way he held my hand when we found out we'd never hold that baby in our arms. The look on his face when our son was born, and how sweetly he snuggled him every night as soon as he came home from work. And on and on and on. Every memory flooded my heart with so much pain, knowing how much damaged I had caused. 

All of this because I didn't listen to my gut. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you hear with your ears you know something different in your heart. And I should have listened to that little voice telling me it was a bad idea instead of the slut thinking about being naughty. There are some things that can't be undone. Some pains that can't be un-felt. And I should have known better. 

Later that night The Hubs and I sat down to really talk. And slowly but surely we started to pick up the pieces. Are we whole? No, not yet, I still have a lot of forgiveness to earn. Like I said there are some things that can't be undone. But everyday we are working to put it all back together. 

What will become of my friendship with The Friend? Hopefully nothing. I hope that it will remain the same comfortable, flirtatious, fun friendship that it has always been. I'm sure we'll never fuck again but he is fun to flirt with and I'd like to hope that our friendship hasn't been ruined too. Of course, The Friend doesn't remember most of it. So, basically I almost ruined my entire life and he was too drunk to even remember it. 

Awesome. 

So, that's the story. Please don't be offended if I haven't or don't respond to inquiries. It's nothing personal, just how I'm gonna roll with this one. 

The Wife

Bush

I enjoy sucking cock. I do. Depending on the situation and playmate it can be a lot of fun. I love that in that moment I am in control of the pleasure for my playmate and making The Hubs groan from my tongue twirls makes my pussy drip. It is always a good time with my playmates. 

Except when there is bush. 

Maybe some of you ladies are cool with it, but for this slut I have an aversion to the pubic hair. Sure, its a pain in the ass to keep up the manscaping maintenance. I get it. But, guess what - we don't care! Sorry, not trying to be mean I'm just saying there is nothing worse than a pube in your mouth when you're trying to be sexy and suck cock. There is no graceful way to remove said pube from your mouth/throat and we (well, I know I do) end up gagging ourselves while we try to fish it out. 

Not. Pretty.

So, trim that shit up! I'm not saying you need to get laser hair removal, or wax it smooth. But I don't think I should be forced to go on a jungle-safari to find your cock either. A little trimming does wonders and I'm gauranteed to take it deeper. 

Just sayin' 

The Wife

Cheating

Yesterday I received this question:

"So I have been in a relationship for three years...love of my life. We have recently broke up and he says he has made it clear what he wants and that is to swing. Problem is he cheated most of our relationship. Does this solve a cheating partner??? Confused and forty something!"

And here are my thoughts...

First of all, cheating sucks. It hurts and for those who stick around it takes a long time to forgive and even longer to trust again. However, I am not one to tell people how to handle cheating. I firmly believe that I am NOT a judge of what is best for your relationship and I don't think anyone else is either. 

This is not a common stance, a lot of people will tell you to leave, period. Don't look back. Others will say it is possible to work it out if this or that is done. I say, it's different with every couple and unless it is your own relationship it is noneya (as in none of your business). 

Now, do I think swinging is a "cure" for cheating? Let me say this one clearly...

NO! 

I think the best swing-relationships come from a foundation of trust. That can't happen if you are using swinging to fill the void of cheating. This will lead to drama, and drama is never fun. Especially for your playmate(s)! 

Can it all work out? Sure! I'm certainly no expert on the future but my suggestion is to work on one issue at a time. If/when you fully-forgive your partner for cheating and feel you can trust him/her then maybe down the line you can try it out as you feel comfortable. 

Hope this helps!

The Wife

Crashing the party

Last night was guys night out for The Hubs at a strip club. He never goes out with the guys and I was actively encouraging him to go! I never even thought about joining them. After all, it's called "guys" night is it not? Yet, The BFF decided to tag along with her hubs. For the record this is one of my biggest pet peeves! Not surprisingly soon I got this text from her:

This is what happens when a wife crashes guys-night-out! I had a hard time not saying that. 

So here's the deal ladies...No matter how much you're "one of the guys" you are not a guy! No matter how awesome you are and how cool you are with everything its just not the same. The mood is killed, the vibe is changed and doesn't everyone deserve a night out with just the guys or girls? I'll be honest I don't want your hubs out with the ladies (even if I love him) so what the fuck are you doing out with the guys?

Am I right?

The Wife

Insecurities

I'll never claim to have a "perfect" marriage. I don't really think those exist because everyone has a different idea of "perfect". I will say I love my life. I love my family and I love the way we trust each other. But even with a strong foundation of trust sometimes insecurities slip in. 

For me, the over thinker that I am, I often wonder if The Hubs is really "Ok" with this or that. Mainly it centers around my flirtation in real life because, let's face it, tis a potentially sticky situation. 

I mean, I know he loves me being naughty, but is he really OK with it crossing over into our real lives?

Many years ago we used to hang out with our two best guy friends almost every night. It would have been a slut's dream if I had been sluttier back then! Three good-looking dudes and me, spending lots of time together. Mmmm (Damnit, talk about lost opportunities!) 

One of the two was one of those people I would describe as "sexually-charged", and his energy often spurred me on. We would make slightly (or hugely) inappropriate jokes and flirt probably more than we should have. The Hubs would often say to me "Geeeeeze, why don't you two just bang already" (haha foreshadowing to our future swinger life I guess)

To my knowledge he wasn't ever truly bothered by the flirtation. But there are two big difference between then and now ... #1. We really are in a swinger life now, so actually fucking someone IS a "real" possibility whereas back then it was a joke. And #2. We're talking 1998-2001ish here, we didn't have text messaging or all that. Any flirting was done front and center in front of everyone to see, with no possibility for picture sharing. Which takes out the "Internet strength" factor. And, truth be told I had significantly less confidence so I am sure my flirting was vanilla by today's standards!

So... what's a girl to do?? Honestly, I often don't act after waaaay overthinking every step of the way. (at least when I'm sober) But I also have to trust that The Hubs is being honest with me about how he feels. Because in the end upsetting my love The Hubs is not worth the fun of the moment. 

The Wife

Evolution

Everyone always wants to know how we came to be the swinger couple we are today. I can assure you neither of us woke up one day thinking "hey, let's start fucking other people" out of the blue. It just doesn't happen that way. It's an evolution. From prude to slut. From Monogamy to Open relationships it all starts somewhere and (from what I can see) never stops growing and changing. 

To say I was sexually inexperienced when I started dating The Hubs probably goes without saying, hell I was only 16! But, inexperienced alone does not make a prude like I was. It was that I was absolutely unwilling to try almost anything. 

I grew up in a family of modesty and 100% void of any and all sexuality. As in we didn't call a "bra" by its real name so as to not embarass my brother. This meant I was in no way prepared to be sexy to anyone. Truth be told, I stopped the getting-to-know process with The Hubs when we first met for talking about how much he wanted to grab my ass. It made me crazily uncomfortable. 

Yea, I know...

Somehow The Hubs stuck it out with me and I eventually loosened up some with him. {I still had to ask what he meant by blow job, ok?} And slowly but surely we tried new things together. It was all new to me so lingerie, videoing, toys etc. it was all new and slowly we worked our way through the "basics". 

We got married and I came to realize that a missionary-sex-vanilla life was never going to be enough to keep The Hubs happy. Eventually I learned to be more willing to try things. And The Hubs having an adventurous (especially sexually) spirit he kept pushing me (in a good way) to try to find what I liked. 

But I was stubborn. There were things I was NOT willing to try. The greatest example is anal sex. I remember one time sitting in a therapist's office trying to talk in code because I didn't want to even say it. I'll never forget it, I said:

   "There are just some things that I'm not willing to do! I mean there is this one thing {a threesome} that isn't ever going to happen but then this other thing {anal sex} is N.E.V.E.R. going to happen"

See, stubborn!

Being the stubborn wife I was I began to think "maybe he can find another woman to be his anal sex partner" as in, as long as it wasn't me I was cool with him doing it with whomever! I thought of it as a win-win. He got to explore and I could hide in my shell and never try things that scared me. I think I mentioned the idea to The Hubs who kindly pointed out that an anal fuck-buddy was going to be more than a little difficult to pull off. 

Well, damn.

At the time, The Hubs job was keeping him away from home often. So I got the idea that he could pick up ladies on the road. You know, sort of a out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. Apparently I thought about it a lot more than I remember. I recently came across a journal of sorts that I had jotted down some notes on the subject. Here are some of my early rules:

*When overnight for REAL business travel and no more than one night per month. 

*Absolutely no one in our city or anyone we know.

*No money spent on said meeting.

*100% full disclosure and the spouse not doing the meeting has the right to ask any and all questions and they must be answered to full satisfaction.

{some of these are funny to me now because of the way I wrote them - like I say "the spouse" like it was ever going to be me doing the playing} 

Looking back on these proposals and how I was when we first met I have to laugh. Yes, some of these hold true (we do not spend money on "friends" and the full disclosure is a given for example) but most of my notes have gone out the window as we grew together. I no longer care if it is in our city or with people we know. (Hell, I'm the one who has banged one friend already and trying to bang a second one!) I no longer care if its anal, oral, vaginal sex or any and all of the above. I no longer want it to be solely The Hubs playing but rather both of us take part. I no longer want it to be hidden from my sight, I actually like to watch The  Hubs in action. I am no longer too scared to try {most} new things (ok, so I haven't quite worked up to playing alone yet) and I'm actually enjoying my life and I can honestly say I enjoy the sexual side of myself way more than I ever thought I could! 

I would say I have come an awfully long way. Talk about an evolution from prude to slut! 

The Wife

Sexy Story: My turn to watch

*A note on Sexy Stories: Anytime it is titled as such it is a story I have written for The Hubs. Sometimes it has been based on true events, sometimes based on a fantasy of mine or his. It will be up to you to decide which is which ;)

They had been out for drinks and from the sound of it they had been having a good time. I was waiting for them in the bedroom when they worked their way back after stumbling around with some clothing in the hallway. I sat in my chair when they came in, I was already playing with my swollen clit in anticipation.

They burst into the room with giggles and groping. My husband looked over and saw me rubbing on my clit as they came in. He moaned and walked over to me. He leaned down and shoved his fingers past my vibrator and into my dripping wet pussy. I let out a moan and almost lost control of myself an stood up, but I remembered why we were all there and stayed seated. I looked at my husband and said "ok, now it's time. I want to watch you fuck the hell out of her" he sighed out a deep lusty satisfied and horny moan and went back to his drunken date who was laying half naked on the bed spread eagle.

He climbed over to her and pulled her short skirt up the rest of the way so he could get access to her bald pussy lips. He buried his face into her pussy and started to lick and suck on her clit. As I watched I played with my clit and felt myself getting closer and closer to cumming. I held myself back, bringing myself to the edge and then backing off so I could enjoy the show for longer.

Soon the girl was moaning so loud my husband could barely hear me instruct him on what to do next. "fold her in half and take it to that wet pussy" I told him. He gave one last lick of her sweet pussy and threw her legs over her head. She let out a deep moan as his hard cock pushed past her lips and into dripping wet pussy. She was folded in half when he climbed on for
the hard fucking of a lifetime. She screamed out in ecstasy with each deep thrust into her.

I was getting close to cumming so I instructed him to flip her over. In one motion he picked her sweet ass up and flipped her on to her knees. I thought she was going to cum as he slid his hard cock back into her pulsating pussy. She moaned and I had a hard time pulling myself back from the edge of cumming. Just as I regained my composure my husband reached up and pulled her hair so tight it caused her to arch her back in pleasure which only made him pull harder and spank her sweet ass.

She let out a new sound and I could tell that she was cumming all over hubby's cock as she clamped down and milked his cock. He quickly flipped her over pulled off his condom and blasted his hot load all over his little slut's pretty little face. He watched me as he covered her in a massive load of cum.

She cleaned up and we said our goodbyes. Hubby walked her to the door and came back to the bedroom and found me spread eagle on the bed. I was running my finger from my dripping wet pussy to my tight ass and back when he made it to the bed and pulled my hands out of the way. Before I knew it his hands were on me. On hand holding me down by my neck, the other opening up my swollen pussy lips  and I felt his pulsing cock push into me. He slammed himself deeper and harder until I thought I would split in half.

Knowing I was on the edge again he pulled out of my pussy and used my own cum to lube his cock as he slid into my tight ass hole. We both let out a huge sigh as we felt my ass clamp around his hard shaft. He buried his fingers deep into my pulsating pussy as his cock pounded my ass. He gripped down on my throat and I couldn't hold it any longer. I began to cum from my ass and pussy at the same time. I felt my ass milk his cock and he blasted into me as we both released together.

We rolled over in a heap of sweat and cum and agreed this was on of the hottest play times yet!

Wrong

Well... I guess I was wrong. 

This is a conversation with The Friend last weekend long after I had become 110% convinced that he had lost interest. Of course to further complicate matters his unknowing girlfriend has recently moved in with him. 

But, I guess if it were easy it wouldn't be as fun. Right? 

;)

The Wife

Risky Behavior

I recently had to update my health history/information at my doctor's office. I came across a section that included a selection for engaging in "risky behavior" and it set my mind in motion. 

What exactly do they mean by "risky"? 

Is it anal sex? Sex with multiple partners? 

Sex without condoms? Rough sex? BDSM type stuff? Or is it Skydiving? Running with scissors? Consuming too much alcohol or mercury-rich fish? Let's face it, the list is endless depending on how you define "Risky Behavior", hell most of the list I just rattled off is what is call a good Saturday night!

If I said I was in fact fucking every partner that we came across would my exam be different? Would they lecture me I was wrong to be doing it? Would they put on an extra set of gloves for their own protection? I mean, I am already tested for every STD under the sun from another doctor, so I know that is all good. So why do they need to know?

Maybe some day I'll die because I didn't tell anyone at my doc's office that I like to fuck and smoke weed. Or maybe I'll eventually just slip off into a post-orgasm high and die happy. Until then I will quietly chuckle at the question and check the "no" box.

The Wife

What are the odds

The 2011 census shows my city in FL had a population of 346,000. So it isn't so shocking that The Hubs and I have yet to run into a playmate or even someone we have seen at the club out in real life. That is, until tonight. 

We went out to dinner with our BFFs. It was crowded and we ended up sitting where people were standing while waiting to order. I happened to look up and thought to myself, "hmm that guy looks familiar..." And then it hit me. 

OMG, it was The Secretive Man. 

We always knew there was some lie going on with this guy. He either had a girlfriend or was married. He was shady and weird about questions. He claimed to have "roommates" that he couldn't chat in front of. (As in text... Duh)

Once, I asked him about his tattoo and he fumbled all over himself so poorly trying to figure out a way to not give me any information that even I felt uncomfortable for asking. I remember laughing to The Hubs that I felt like I had asked a CIA operative some national security question the way he reacted. Something was just off about him. 

We played once. And he continues to randomly text me every once in a while looking to play. The last time was within the last month. I usually ignore the texts from him never expecting to see him again. 

And then there he was. Right next to his lovely wife. 

Ha! I almost spit my taco across the table while I laughed out loud. Well, I guess we were right...

The Wife

When things go quiet

Have you ever had a fantasy for what seemed like forever. Maybe sometimes you get to get the chance to let it play out. But sometimes the fantasy runs its course without ever coming true in the slightest sense.

I don't know why, but it seems this is the case for The Friend. At least on one side of the fantasy. And unfortunately for me, it is on his end.

The Hubs thinks I'm a tad crazy, and maybe that is true. But I can see a remarkable difference in him toward me since our Stupid Move. And in the time since the night in the bar hallway there has been no flirtation. At. All. This despite having multiple opportunities both face-to-face and by text and yet, no takers. Which for this guy may as well be a sign of the impending apocalypse.

So how do you go from wanting naughty pics of me on your birthday and kissing me in the hall 25ft from your unknowing-girlfriend to no interest in me by my birthday when the two are only one month apart? 

And men think we women are complicated? I just want to have sex with this guy, not marry or date him. I'm not looking for a grand romance just some naked time with his cock. All things he so badly wanted just one month ago. Yet now... crickets.

Being that I am a) nosey and b) one of those people who likes to "learn" from every situation (especially a failed situation) I would really like to know WTF happened. Did his girlfriend get too close and he felt the need to back off? Did one of our other friends figure it out and counsel him to leave it alone? Did I say/do something that turned the tables? Did I come on too strong?What. Happened?

*Sigh* 

I may never know. And that (to me) may be more frustrating than leaving the fantasy unfulfilled.

The Wife

To play or not to play...

I have said it many times before, swinging is not a replacement for anything lacking in my sex-life with The Hubs. It is simply something we do together for fun in addition to our private fun. So what happens when "quality" playmates don't seem to be available and you hit a lull? Do you play with someone who may be less than ideal or go without? 

What is better; bad or none?

Every so often I get a random text from a past playmate, The Gapperton. We played one time about two years ago and have not spoken since. Literally, no communication after we played. Why? A few reasons, but one of which was the biggie. The sex just wasn't any good.

It happens. Sometimes just don't do it for your playmate. This was one of those times. His cock was on the slim side, I was really drunk and he came very, very quickly. It was a poor combination of factors but it just wasn't very thrilling. Sure, the freak factor of it was hot (being a slut for The Hubs always does that for me) but other than that it was a total dud. 

So why would I have any desire to play with him again? The chances of his making a huge come-back in the sack are slim, and I've already got a hugely satisfying cock in The Hubs. So I just don't see the point in trying again. I know  I'm not having to beat the guys off with a stick over here but there are so many single men out there, why not try someone else rather than an almost guaranteed dud. 

So for me, I pick "none" over "bad". I am perfectly good fucking The Hubs until someone more appealing enters the arena!

The Wife

Overnight

There comes a certain time in every play date. And that would be the time to leave. Yes, it is true, no matter how awesome the time was there will come a time you're ready for your playmate to get the fuck out. 

If you're in the same room that may lead to an awkward moment. What if you're not done but the other couple is? Do you sit around and watch? Get dressed and go sit on the couch? What if the other couple wants to keep going and going but you're a one-and-done pairing?  So many possible scenarios, and so many can be awkward. 

We once met a couple who had a unique way of avoiding these potentially awkward times. They said it so matter-of-factly too; we would simply get two hotel rooms, do our play and meet for breakfast the next day to re-swap spouses. This gave each of us the entire night and morning tp have our fill of our playmate. 

Talk about giving a whole new meaning to the phrase "full swap"!

I'm pretty sure I started laughing when she said it, I was sure she was joking! I mean, overnight?! Same hotel but no seeing The Hubs until the next day? No rehashing the details and "reclaiming" each other after play? Sleep together as in sleep? With your husband, not mine? Like with snoring and morning breath? 

Uhh... Really? 

It is one thing if you're away and have permission from your spouse to play, obviously you would be apart for that. But this was very different. He would be down the hall, or even next door yet we'd be apart. All I could imagine was going to bed after the sex and having my playmate listen to my snores. Then waking up to my stinky morning breath and crazy sleep-hair. Talk about a turn-on! Woo baby... Hot. Stuff. 

This episode was over two years ago and I still find it just as odd. For some reason to me this crosses too closely into real-life mode. Swinging is about the NSA sex, for fun... and for me I don't think that includes my sleeping and morning routines. 

You know that phrase "a face only a mother could love?" I kind of think that applies to any snoring, morning breath, talking in your sleep etc. that comes with the intimacy of an overnight sleepover. These are things only a spouse can love. Or hate, but still find you lovable and sexy despite it all. 

Either way. ;)

The Wife

Hmmm

For The Hubs and I in our swing life have always maintained a must-use-condoms rule for both of us. On several occasions we've been told "oh, we don't need them, I'm fixed." Thanks for the info! But really, pregnancy is like the absolute last possible reason for us to require condoms. 

Let's face it, the year is 2013, not 1955. There are diseases that I don't want either of us to pick up. Life-altering issues that can very easily be prevented by slipping on a condom. This is something The Hubs and I always agreed on and talked about. 

That is, until recently when he let a fantasy out. I was talking to The Friend about condoms and he expressed his wish not to use one with me. (you know, during all this sex we're having with each other, ha!) I sort of gave him a "sorry-about-your-luck" answer and was telling The Hubs about how cool-guy wanted a free pass since we knew him, wasn't that hilarious. At which point The Hubs looled at me and said "Actually, I'd let him fuck you without a condom on" 

I stopped dead in my tracks. 

"Wait, what? Really? Seriously? You want what now? Like for real, for real?" were some of the confused questions spilling out of me. I had never even contemplated this scenario, the condom rule has always just been part of the game. Yet there I was totally turned on. 

But why? Was it really for the scenario or just that The Hubs was talking about me fucking The Friend which always has an effect on me. 

Then he dropped another bomb on me... He said he wants The Friend  to cum inside of me and send me home dripping his cum. Fuck me, that man turns me on with things I've never even thought of. But uhhh, say what?!? Immediately I think of the practical side of things. As in disease. {not going into details but pregnancy is not an issue} His reasoning is this is a completely different situation from normal because we know The Friend so well. 

But... This is huge. I mean, I know for some couples this is a normal thing but for us it sure isn't. We literally have 3 rules and condoms being used is one of them. So it's 33% of our rules out the window for The Friend. The problem is, I can't undo this. If we do it there is no going back and being that it is so out of our ordinary for us I want to be beyond certain we are both on-board 100% before anything happens. 

I don't know where this will end up. Either way, for now I'll continue to enjoy the hotness of listening to The Hubs telling me of his fantasy.

The Wife

A stupid move

The night of the getting caught play date we went out for friends to celebrate The Friend's birthday. The drinks were flowing and I was still turned on from the day's activities so when the texts started from The Friend (who was sitting at the other end of the table) I was totally in to it. I didn't even care that he was sitting next to his unknowing girlfriend.

We made our way to the bar after dinner and The Hubs sent him the text he had been teasing me about sending all day. He told The Friend to take me to the parking lot and fuck me. The response was it was too risky. 

Not knowing any of this yet I am egging The Friend on in my texts. This is our usual thing, he wimps out and I give him shit about missed opportunities. I even told him at one point to "fuck caution". And then for some reason I got the grand idea to meet up with him in the hall just outside of the bathrooms. 

I walked out to find him waiting for me in the hallway. He pulled me in close and told me about the text he had gotten from The Hubs. He explained that he really did want to but it was just too risky etc, etc, etc... Meanwhile I felt a hand roaming up my leg and making its way up to my thong. Then he was pulling it out of the way and working his fingertip into the top of my pussy lips. 

He told me how he only recently became to really believe that The Hubs was alright with me fucking him. And he also worried in the past about the way we'd treat him afterward but now, he said, he felt confident that we wouldn't change how we were with him. He also told me he was getting hard standing so close to me. I took my opportunity and grabbed a handful. He wasn't lying he was on the way to a boner. Not there yet (he reminded me) but definitely no longer laying in wait. 

He couldn't get his fingers into my pussy because of our location and position. But he kept on trying! Suddenly he pulled me in and kissed me. I was a little shocked actually. First of all, for some odd reason not a lot of young single men kiss these days. And secondly we've been in close proximity at a party before and he made no move then to kiss me so this was very unexpected. It wasn't by any stretch of the imagination a make-out session. More of a prolonged peck. Shocking nonetheless.

About that time The Hubs came through the hallway. As he walked past us to the men's room he said something which at the time I didn't hear. When he came out and we were still standing there he said it again and this time I understood what he said. It was "Your girl is looking for you"...

Uh oh... See, little did our drunk, horny selves realize but we were gone about 15 minutes. Way longer than it takes for a quick trip to the bathroom. And our people were starting to notice. The BFF was concerned I was getting sick in the ladies room. And The Unknowing Girlfriend was starting to ask WTF had happened to the birthday boy... And the only thing stopping us from being caught by one of them was The Hubs offering to check rather than let one of them do the looking. 

To make it worse we started to make our way back to the group together - DUH. (Brilliance) So of course when we both returned from the long bathroom break The Unknowing Girlfriend wanted to know why he had been gone so long. (He has a habit of wandering off) and why we returned together. The BFF was easily calmed with my story of a line in the ladies room but The Hubs could hear the questions being peppered at The Friend. He knew it was time to get the hell outta there! We finished up the last few sips of our drinks and said our goodbyes. 

The next day The Hubs filled in the blanks of the night before and how close we came to being caught. I had no idea it was so close. The news didn't make me feel great. At all. I kept thinking of how bad it would have been. Could have been. So easily. 

Stupid doesn't accurately describe it. It was so stupid, and so easily preventable yet I let alcohol and hormones dictate my actions. And I could have lost a lot more than a fuck buddy that night. What if The BFF had walked in? Sure, her discovery would have been better than The Unknowing Girlfriend but still - would it have ruined her opinion of me to know I was going after a "taken" guy? Would it really be worth losing her friendship for a prolonged peck in a bar hallway? 

Stupid.

The Wife

When things go wrong

So there you are, ready to play with this guy that has been chatting you up for weeks. You get started and soon realize there is a problem. So what happens when things go wrong. Yes guys, I'm talking about when your playmate isn't getting hard. 

Did every man just wince?

Every guy is different, but this is a lot more common than you may realize. I would venture a guess that most experienced swingers have been impacted by it at one point or another, to some degree or another. Sometimes it happens just at the start and once the ice is broken all is good. Sometimes it is a no-go. And maybe sometimes it is anything in between. 

So then what?

I've heard ladies talk about it before and we too, are all different. But, for me it is more about how he reacts. First of all, re.lax. I know it is embarrassing. I get it. But I can assure you that freaking out does not help! To my knowledge no cock has ever sprang to attention from a guy freaking out. Trust me. So just go with whatever else is going on. The absolute worst thing you can do is panic and stop participating. That will only guarantee neither your playmate or you will have any fun at all. 

 

When The Youngen Hubs started having issues he shut down and gave up on the entire evening. I understand it is embarrassing but now it's just weird that you're standing in the corner or around the bed while the rest of us play. You didn't die, you're just not hard. You have a mouth don't you? And hands with fingers? Stick with it, have fun for what you can do and just roll with it. That is how you redeem yourself in the eyes of the woman. Not pouting. Or making excuses. Then it just gets awkward...

 

The Wife

Getting Caught

The Hubs has always told me that one of his biggest fantasies was to walk in and catch me and a boytoy in the middle of naughtiness. However, that is somewhat impossible to do since I have repeatedly declined to play alone. Sort of makes it difficult to fulfill this fantasy of his if we are always both present for playtime. I kept telling him "maybe, someday..."

It is also not easy to find a guy willing to do this "surprise". Once, a few years ago,I asked a playmate to consider the situation. He was not game at all. He said he couldn't believe The Hubs wouldn't freak out and be would just be uncomfortable. I totally get that. It's complicated, but I just love to make The Hubs fantasies come true. All that, plus even if I found someone to do this they would then think I was ok playing alone.  So the fantasy got well-used in dirty talk and sat on the real-life back burner. 

Fast forward to a recent meeting and playing with The Sailor. We met through SLS and met up at Eyz Wide Shut for quite frankly, a really good fucking time. He was nice, clean, respectful of our rules and best of all he knew how to fuck. Between The Hubs and The Sailor I was a happy slut. I joked that he is the male unicorn, (municorn? manicorn?) because he was laid back and overall seemed to be a good guy. 

The downside was that his job was moving him out of the country one week after we met him. So, not exactly boytoy material since he wasn't going to be around. But then I realized... He's not goin to be around. As in, he won't hound me for alone play because he'll be gone already. This could be my chance to set this fantasy in motion. 

So I emailed him about it. Explaining the situation and what my idea was. To complicate things it would have to take place in the daytime so our child would be at school. He said he was in, as long as I was really sure The Hubs wanted this. I was. I think. No, I was sure. Sort of. 

The big day arrived and I was so nervous I couldn't even drink my morning coffee. As soon as everyone was out of the house I was straightening up & then cleaned myself up. Finally it was time. I text The Hubs telling him to pick me up at a certain time for a special date-lunch. The Sailor was scheduled to be there 15 minutes earlier and my nerves were going crazy. I kept telling myself that The Hubs had in fact asked for this fantasy on multiple occasions. Trust the system, I told myself... 

The time arrived and it was do or die time. I met The Sailor at the door in nothing but a short red lingerie-dress. I welcomed him in, shut the door behind him and started to take his pants off of him right there in the entryway. He kissed me and I moved down to his cock which was already getting ready for me. Meanwhile the dog was going C.R.A.Z.Y. trying to get out of my office to kill the "intruder" so I stopped sucking his cock and suggested we go back to the bedroom and get ready for the arrival of The Hubs. 

I led him to the bedroom and re-striped his clothes for him. This time I took everything off and I got back on my knees and went back to where I left off. Meanwhile The Hubs was on his way, I even fielded a text from him while licking The Sailor's cock. (Wouldn't my mother be proud of my multitasking skills! Ha!) At one point he said "you're sure The Hubs will be ok with this? I just don't want him to freak out" I replied "me too,  meeeee toooooo" 

After a few minutes he reminded me that I'd said I wanted to be in a certain position on the bed for when we got caught. This meant I needed to be on my back on the bed. No problem. So here I am, awkward, because that's just me and I'm stone cold sober because it is 11 am so I am even more awkward. I turn to get on the bed. Before I could do anything he grabbed my shoulders spun me around and pressed his naked body up against me from behind. Then he pushed me on to the bed face down with his body still on me. He sat up on his knees and pulled me up on my knees, licked my pussy and ass and then flipped me over, spread my legs and dove into my wet pussy head first. 

I looked at the clock beside my head to see how close we were to The Hubs arrival, we still had 9 minutes until the scheduled time and The Sailor was wasting none of that time getting down to business. The thought crossed my mind that he was probably trying to get as much as he could before The Hubs got home, just in case he freaked out. I kept looking at the clock, checking the hallway and it seemed the time was standing still. I was enjoying myself physically, but I couldn't wait to have The Hubs there with me. I came just as I heard the front door squeek ever so slightly. I said in a whisper "he's here!" And The Sailor froze for a second. I guess it was his do-or-die moment too. He got back to licking and I did my best not to throw up from nerves. 

Finally I saw The Hubs inching his way down the hall toward the bedroom. He was already rubbing his own cock as he made eye contact with me and mouthed "oooooohh" to me. I took a deeper breath at that point. No freak out, he really was enjoying the act of "busting" me in action. He snapped a picture and started taking video. The Sailor was still licking me but I felt the need to have a cock in my throat at the same time. I looked up at The Hubs (who was standing just outside the bedroom door) and told him to come get on the bed so I could suck him as I was licked. He obliged and climbed up to give me his cock. 

From there it was one hell of a MFM. I was licked while I sucked each of them. I was fucked while I sucked each of them. I sucked back and forth on them and came and came for each of them. 

And that is that... I hope The Hubs enjoyed the actual experience even more than he expected. And I have a few improvements I could make if I can ever pull this off again! 

The Wife

The MFMF that wasn't

Getting to play with The Youngens took about three weeks to come to fruition. Schedules didn't work out and we had to change plans twice before locking in a date for a recent weekend night.The plan was to go to their house and have dinner, hang out and well, get naked and fuck!

We ate dinner and had pleasant chit chat and ended up on the couch four-across. The Hubs decided to move down to sit on the floor below The Youngen Wife. He started rubbing on her legs and The Youngen Hubs decided he too would get in the action on me. He put his arm behind my back and started rubbing my shoulder. It was awkward because note I didn't say around my back, around my shoulders or anything like that. Behind my back. So I was forced to lean on his arm or sit forward. It was just weird but everyone is different so whatever. There we sat on the couch watching television. I knew someone had to make the first move.

I went to the bathroom which was off of the room we were watching TV in. I decided it was now or never, if I went back out it would just be awkward silences and wondering who was going to make the first move. We all know why we're here, don't we? So, I decided to pull The Naked Man.

 

As in, I emerged from the bathroom in just the lingerie I had hiding under my dress. The look on The Hubs face was p.r.i.c.e.l.e.s.s. Seconded by the look on The Youngens faces. It was utter shock. I say again, we know why we're here. It isn't to watch TV. She jumped up and ran to the bedroom to get her lingerie on and we soon joined her in there. We each switched spouses and started kissing and getting into the naughty part of the night.

This was pretty much where the MFMF went downhill for half of us involved!

We ladies were on the bed next to each other with the men both licking our pussies. I could tell The Hubs was working his magic by the moans The Youngen Wife was making. Her legs were pulled back and she was really getting into it. The Youngen Hubs was building up speed with his tongue and lightly sucking on my clit. After a while I guess he got really excited and he bit me. My clit, to be exact. Yes, he bit my clit.

OUCH! 

Sorry, I couldn't hold that one in. It hurt like a mother fucker. Needing a break I suggested we ladies get out our double-headed dildo we brought and put on a little show for the boys. We got on our knees and went butt to butt, or rather pussy to pussy, I guess. And The Hubs helped guide it in and started pulling us toward each other. I couldn't see anyone's face but it sure sounded like she was enjoying the other 1/2 of the dildo! She pushed against me fucking herself as the guys took turns pulling us together to get the dildo deeper into both of us. 

Soon it was time for The Youngen Hub to drop the boxers to reveal if the saying is true. You know, 'big things come in small packages'... that saying. Well... Not so much, but I have been with big dicks and little dicks and size is truly not an indicator for how good of a fuck he will be. Trust me. So I pulled his boxers off and he laid down on the bed while I went to work on him. (Side note - The Hubs and The Youngen Wife were right next to us, but I literally have no idea what they were doing at this time! Lol)

Despite all of the excitement I found his cock was in no way ready for me. No biggie, I can change that, I thought to myself and started working on getting him hard with my mouth. After a while he seemed to be showing signs of life. I kept going and he seemed to be enjoying it. In the midst of things The Hubs was talking somewhat dirty to the crowd. Almost cheering my cock-sucking on from next to me. I guess that inspired The Youngen Hubs to do the same and he whispered something to me that made me bite my lip mid cock-sucking. Unfortunately, that was to stop myself from laughing. It was just funny, but I pulled out all of my acting skills and he never knew I was secretly chuckling at his words. 

(Sidebar: no, I don't plan on telling you what he said. On its own it may not be so funny to you, but in the whole of the situation it was hilarious. Even The Hubs laughed when I told him! Oh, how your imaginations must be running wild!)

By now it seemed his cock was hard enough for the dreaded condom placement. I never realized until we started swinging what a total pain in the ass condoms could be. They are vital as it is 2013 and there is all kinds of shit floating around but the break in momentum can be a major problem for a guy's hard-on. He got it on and I got on my knees doggie-style. He slid his cock in and I felt two or three pumps, then heard a curse and he pulled out. He'd lost his hard-on.

No biggie, it happens! His wife came over to him and started licking and sucking on him to spring him back into action. I could tell it wasn't going too well. The Hubs suggested I jump in on the other side and help The Youngen Wife out with the cock-sucking. Knowing how much The Hubs enjoys two ladies on his cock at the same time I thought this would really spring him to action. And it did, after a while. And eventually he was ready again. I jumped up and got in position while his wife helped him with the condom. Soon I felt him slide in and start pumping. (Again, no idea what The Hubs was doing behind me with her!) This time I felt a good 10-15 pumps and then heard "no, no, no, nonononono.."

Yea, gone again. 

Again, not a big deal. I made no indication that this was a problem (I mean, obviously it is a problem, but the night was not dead yet. Totally salvageable) but he basically shut down. He instructed The Hubs to finish me at home (duh, that's a given!) and never tried to get back in on the action. 

At first he and I became the photographers as The Youngen Wife mounted The Hubs big cock. Pretty soon, realizing I was now a spectator only The Hubs told me to come sit on his face while she rode his cock. Works for me! I was licked and sucked (gently!!!) as she jumped up and down on his lower half moaning as she went. From there it became a MFF. The Youngen Hubs made no attempt to rejoin the fun or even get his body to spring to life. His loss, The Hubs gain! Lol! 

Eventually we ladies got on our knees as sucked on The Hubs (one of his favorite things to do with two ladies!) and then ended up making a train to finish. I laid on my back, she was licking me while getting pounded from behind by The Hubs. All while The Youngen Hubs watched and took pictures. 

When we finished up we sat around on the bed for a few minutes. I could tell The Hubs could absolutely go again, and wanted to. But I also knew that The Youngen Hubs had given up long before and was now filling the air with excuses. Claiming that only one hour before we arrived he had fucked the hell out of his wife, and it was her fault he couldn't perform. Yes, he really told us and her that it was her fault...

After finding all of our clothing, gathering the toys and condom wrappers we made our goodbyes with open ended plans to meet again. 

On the way home The Hubs and I started to re-hash the details. At one point he started to laugh at me and said, "ok, so you're never going to play with him again but do you care if I play alone with her?" I said I didn't care as long as I knew about all the goings-on! 

We made it home and loaded our pipe and started smoking and relaxing. I took a shower and came out to find The Hubs getting text messages from The Youngen Wife. I assumed they were chatting about the fun they'd had etc. However, I would soon find out she was complaining. The Hubs apparently fucked her so well that she was sore. And she was bitching up a storm about it. Yep, you're reading this correctly... Her husband didn't even participate and here she is COMPLAINING about getting fucked too good by my man? 

The irony is almost more than I can take. 

Her bitching ruined the fun that The Hubs had with her. Almost like it retroactively sucked the life out of the party. And, as a result, at least for now, we've sworn off super young playmates. So much drama and so little payoff! 

The Wife

Exclusive

When most people think of the Swinger lifestyle they think of No-Strings-Attached. Maybe the stereotype lends toward fantasies of bed-hopping with a different person each night. I am sure for some people that is true. For others (like us) we are just in this for the fun of the unexpected. But what about exclusivity? Would that even be in the top 10 things you would think of associating with the Swinger lifestyle? I'm guessing not, yet we have heard it several times.

We were introduced to the concept of Exclusive Swinging when one of our first couples told us how they were approached on the subject. The idea is simple; you find that one special couple and only swing/swap with them. 

Huh? Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of swinging? 

We've all thought about finding that BFF couple. You know, the one you can hang out with as friends and sex-partners. The Saturday night BBQ friends who you happen to fool around with after the kids are in bed. This isn't that situation, this scenario is setting up 100% exclusive swinging with one couple alone.

Here is the main problem with that: If I've learned anything in my adult-life it is that no matter how amazing something is if you do it often enough it will become mundane. The taboo of it will wear off and before you know it you're still fucking the same partner over and over again it just isn't the one you're in love with. 

Uh, yea... no thanks! The only person I'm wiling to be exclusive with is The Hubs. I could fuck & suck that man everyday for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it! Duh, that is why I married him. 

If we wanted one partner and one partner alone we'd just be monogamous together. I mean, really? Is this a tough concept? Yet through the years we have heard of this a few times. We hear "We're not looking for one-night stands, but an exclusive couple to fool around with" 

So, monogamous swingers? Just the thought still cracks me up every time.

The Wife

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

It is one of my pet peeves when someone asks a question but they don't really want the answer to it. If you ask a question you should be prepared for an honest answer.

No, I'm not saying take an asshole of a response and be perfectly fine with it. I'm just saying if you don't want to know. Don't ask.

There are certain questions we already know the answer to; "Does this make me look fat?" for example. When a woman asks someone this she already feels fat in the outfit in question. If you say yes, you're an asshole. If you say no, you're a big ole liar. Either way she is probably not going to wear whatever it was because she already feels fat in it.

See what I'm saying? Don't bother asking. There are some things we can go our whole life not knowing and many times that is just perfectly fine. If I ask a question it is because I am prepared for the answer and I genuinely want your thoughts on the subject. No need to pussy-foot around. If I didn't want to know I wouldn't ask.

In swinging there are plenty of these questions. For example:

Do you find him/her more attractive than me?
Did he/she fuck/suck/etc better than me?
Was his cock bigger than mine?
Was her pussy tighter than mine?

These are land-mine questions. You should never ever ever, EVER ask these unless you are fully prepared for the cold hearted truth. If your spouse lies it is even worse (and deep down we know if they lie) but if the truth is said out loud it is a potential nuclear explosion. I'm never going to ask those questions. I know better! It is just setting The Hubs and I up for one helluva argument and the sentiment will replay in my head forever.

So before you open your mouth think through the responses. How are you going to feel when he tells you that yea, she is prettier, better in bed etc. not so great. And sometimes ignorance is blissful.

The Wife

Uneven Couples

When one half of the couple is hot and the other half is not.

What do you do?

I'm sure The Hubs would agree with me; you can't pick the playmate's spouse. We have found some of the oddest couples in this lifestyle. So many we look at and say "really, you married him/her??" Some of the time we are convinced that their disconnect in attractiveness is a factor in their choice to swing. (Yes, I know that is horribly judgemental. I don't say it to their faces, it is simply an inside joke used in our people watching) But what it means is sometimes one of us gets the short end of the stick. Sometimes literally.

The Youngens are young. Like 11 & 12 years my junior. As in, they were carded when we went out for drinks. On two separate occasions. But hey, who cares right? We laughed it off and moved on.

Now, according to their profile I anticipated being about 5 inches taller (bare footed) and *cough cough* pounds more than The Youngen Hubs. I was already self-conscious about that. Then when he arrived I found out it is more like 6 inches and *COUGH COUGH* pounds. It is the perfect-storm combination of a super small guy and I'm on the curvy side. Soo... I am a giant.

But The Youngen Wife? She is a whole other story. I actually asked The Hubs is she was the hottest playmate yet for him. He thinks she is stunning. She has big ole natural boobies, she's curvy in all the right places and has a really pretty face.

So, now what?

If I met The Youngen Hubs as a single man the answer would be no. I wouldn't bother pushing my comfort zone. Not because he is short. I've been with guys shorter than me, I really don't give a fuck. This guy isn't just short, everything about him is small. His whole frame is tiny.

Except I didn't meet him as a single. He came with a hottie wife. And even though The Hubs and I have a standing "No-taking-one-for-the-team" policy, how can I cock-block The Hubs just because this guy makes me feel like Andre the Giant? I can't. Maybe it is my turn to give a little. After all The Hubs has never told me no to a couple because of something as trivial as my issue.

So, we press on. I am staying open minded about what the future may bring. Knowing that for some reason Swinger Couples are just weird sometimes. But, you never know what fun the next couple may bring.

The Wife

Internet Strength

It's the idea is since you aren't face to face the user feels safer and emboldened to say more, do more etc. The power driven primarily from being anonymous. We've all had some experience with it, whether we know it or not. Be it a fake profile on a swinger site or some other version, we've almost all run into someone using the power of the Internet to hide their reality.

The Hubs and I often discuss the idea of Internet Strength when it comes to the getting-to-know-you portion of conversation with a potential playmate. The problem is in The Swing Lifestyle, Internet Strength can backfire pretty quickly. If you've claimed to be supermodelesque with amazing deep-throat blow job skills but show up looking like Honey Boo-Boo's Mom and gag on the cock head no one is going to leave happy.

I always thought it was the totally fake profiles that were the real issue, but in reality we're all part of it. As much as we'd all like to claim we haven't, at some point each of us has used the power of Internet Strength. I never would have thought I was part of the problem, until I met The Eye Opener.

It was early in our Swing Life, and we chatted for a long time before getting to finally meet in person. He asked and I answered yes to my ability to squirt (but did not fill in the fact that only The Hubs has been able to make it happen) so he was honestly expecting to be covered in my gush. The problem is, it didn't happen. But he kept waiting for it, and telling me to do it. And talking about how any second now it was going to happen. And then it got awkward because we all realized it wasn't going to happen.

I know you're all sitting there thinking about how it was his job to get me to that point or he was just a bad fuck. However true any and or all of those statements may be {see what I did there? hehe} I later realized to his credit, he was only waiting for what I had told him about. The Eye Opener had been told I was able to do something and since downplaying your skills isn't sexy I didn't stop him from thinking it was a super easy task to accomplish. I never played up my ability but I didn't downplay it either and clearly his imagination ran wild with a small bit of information.

I often think of this when I'm talking to a new-potential playmate. I want to be honest with my answers while also still doing my best to make myself sound like a sex-goddess. (hello, that's the point isn't it?) The good news is that most married and or experienced swingers that I've met seem to understand the power of Internet Strength. They know that despite all of the talk some things just don't materialize in the actual play time.  (*Cough Cough* like that magically huge cock we've all seemed to run into)  But if you go into the situations open minded and enjoy the events as they unfold you never know where you'll end up.

The Wife

When she likes your man a little too much

Swinging is at its most basic level about sex. Sure, everyone has their own individual reasons why or how they got into swinging, but in the end it is about no-strings-attached sex.

NSA sex means no emotional attachment. But every once in a while you'll find playmate or potential playmate that seems to be growing an extra attachment to you or your spouse. Typically it isn't the dude - because let's face it - generally {stereotypically} speaking men aren't usually the ones getting emotionally involved. Not saying it isn't possible - but it is more unlikely to have a married man in a swing relationship finding emotional connections.

What am I talking about with an emotional attachment? Well, it isn't always easily defined. Sometimes it is a comment made, or a general feeling of the conversation. Sometimes it is a little more obvious with statements "I'm yours" or "I'd do anything for you" And my personal favorite something along the lines of "I'd break my rules for you"...

Say what??!

Oh, ladies, let me break it down for you. The Hubs is one of THE BEST flirters I've ever encountered. He can make any woman think that the thought of fucking her is the sole reason for his waking up each day. But in reality, sorry to be the one breaking this to you, but he only wants to fuck you. So don't go getting all emotionally connected. It won't end prettily for you.

So how do I handle it? Well, I'm not saying I'm not more apt to watch the playmate a little closer than others. Maybe that is crazy. (that is not beyond possibility!) Maybe it is jealousy. But the key is to keep communicating with The Hubs about the situation. After all, he sees it too! The whole thing could be just a misunderstanding. Maybe that is just how some ladies flirt. But my only "fear" is someone like this will become a stage-five clinger after she gets a little piece of The Hubs and drama will ensue.

The only reason a potential wouldn't be immediately shut down with conversation like that is because I know and most importantly I trust The Hubs. I may not know the playmate very well but almost 17 years at each others side gives me a pretty clear idea of what The Hubs is in it for. I am perfectly willing to share him sexually but the rest is mine and mine alone.

So let's keep our emotions in check and as far away from my man as possible, 'k? ;)

The Wife

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: The Checklist

When we met the guys at the bar they asked where The Bride's checklist was. Since we didn't have one they asked if we had a pen, they would make one for her. Soon we had a napkin with these five items:

1. Have a guy buy you a shot.
2. Take a picture with two guys kissing your cheeks at the same time.
3. Kiss a girl for 5 seconds.
4. Dance on the table/bar.
5. Sing with the band.

The first two they took care of right away. Obviously they were oh-so-willing and able to help The Bride out. Numbers 4 and 5 were going to be difficult since we weren't with a live band and the table at our seat was a plastic patio set so that was sort of out also. Of course, this left the one they really wanted to see. What they didn't know is The Bride has proclaimed multiple times that she is in fact, bisexual and was surprised she ended up with a man. Of course, The Newbie Friend didn't realize this yet. So she volunteered for the kiss.

I was sitting directly across the table from them so I had a perfect view of them both. They started going and we started counting it down for them. They were clearly both into it, I mean this was no peck and hold. But five seconds passes rather quickly and The Newbie Friend stopped right at the cut off. For a split second though, if you were paying close attention you could see that The Bride was actually mid-lean going in for more when The Newbie Friend stopped the kiss.

I did my best to not laugh out loud at The Bride's stopped-short reaction. Of course The Guys loved it. And The Newbie Friend enjoyed the "wildness" of her moment, giggling it off as drunken bachelorette-party shenanigans. Clearly The Bride enjoyed herself and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed! Pretty sure within the next five minutes The Bride reminded us {aaagain} of her bisexuality. I don't know, maybe she was trying to test out the waters. Who knows, I don't think she would have really cheated on her finance. Either way I'm sure it was all entertaining to the crowd around us!

The Wife