Tales from a Bachelorette Party: The Checklist

When we met the guys at the bar they asked where The Bride's checklist was. Since we didn't have one they asked if we had a pen, they would make one for her. Soon we had a napkin with these five items:

1. Have a guy buy you a shot.
2. Take a picture with two guys kissing your cheeks at the same time.
3. Kiss a girl for 5 seconds.
4. Dance on the table/bar.
5. Sing with the band.

The first two they took care of right away. Obviously they were oh-so-willing and able to help The Bride out. Numbers 4 and 5 were going to be difficult since we weren't with a live band and the table at our seat was a plastic patio set so that was sort of out also. Of course, this left the one they really wanted to see. What they didn't know is The Bride has proclaimed multiple times that she is in fact, bisexual and was surprised she ended up with a man. Of course, The Newbie Friend didn't realize this yet. So she volunteered for the kiss.

I was sitting directly across the table from them so I had a perfect view of them both. They started going and we started counting it down for them. They were clearly both into it, I mean this was no peck and hold. But five seconds passes rather quickly and The Newbie Friend stopped right at the cut off. For a split second though, if you were paying close attention you could see that The Bride was actually mid-lean going in for more when The Newbie Friend stopped the kiss.

I did my best to not laugh out loud at The Bride's stopped-short reaction. Of course The Guys loved it. And The Newbie Friend enjoyed the "wildness" of her moment, giggling it off as drunken bachelorette-party shenanigans. Clearly The Bride enjoyed herself and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed! Pretty sure within the next five minutes The Bride reminded us {aaagain} of her bisexuality. I don't know, maybe she was trying to test out the waters. Who knows, I don't think she would have really cheated on her finance. Either way I'm sure it was all entertaining to the crowd around us!

The Wife

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: My Opportunity

I mentioned in this post that The Hubs had an opportunity to play while on his trip, but he was cock-blocked by our friend. Well, truth be told, I had somewhat of an opportunity too.

It was our first night and it was cold on our beach weekend. We headed to a bar with outside heaters to drink and listen to a band. Being it was the first night one of the ladies dressed The Bride in the traditional garbage. Dressed up in the typical Bachelorette gear (you know, a sash declaring her the bachelorette and a penis veil) we were chatting up others around the heaters.

Pretty soon The Dude struck up a conversation with our table. He was sitting with his friend who looked highly annoyed at the Spring Break crowd. They ended up buying The Bride a shot and helping her out with a few Bachelorette Party check list items. The crowd was slow and we were all chatting with them.

The Dude was cute, no doubt. He was chatty and very friendly and I talked to him for a few minutes from our table to theirs. I creep-shot a picture and sent it to The Hubs. He advised I should go fuck him! I laughed at the idea. Sure, it was hot. But how could I really do that in front of these ladies. After all The Prude was there and she seriously may have died on the spot. I kept laughing at the idea as The Hubs kept encouraging me to go for it. Pretty soon The Newbie Friend (I don't know her all that well) literally moved a chair in front of me to speak to The Dude thus ending our conversation. Looking back I wonder if The BFF (who was also there) recognized that I was flirting and sent her over to block me. Or she is a natural cock-blocker. (Yes, I know I don't have a cock to be blocked - but what word do you use there? Vagina blocker? Clit blocker?)

A little while later we were ready to leave. We were planning on taking the remaining drinks for the walk back to the hotel. As we left and said our goodbyes to The Dude and his friend (still looking annoyed) he advised that we should "suck down" our drinks before we left yada yada yada. I turned around without missing a beat and in typical me fashion said without thinking "Well, I'd rather be sucking something else down" and I flicked my tongue at him as I kept walking backward.

I think his eyes almost burst out of his head.

And then I heard The Prude saying "JESUS, JANE! Can't we be classy for ONCE??"

I smiled and said "Nope!"... Just being honest...

The Wife

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: I've Never

If you didn't know this already, girls talk. A lot. Get a girl drunk and most likely she'll spill some secrets. So put six girls in a hotel room with all day drinking... there will be details shared!

It was after we returned from the bar on the last night of the trip. We had been drinking for over 12 hours and before I knew it we were sitting around our hotel room playing a game of "I've never"

The questions started and as I had to drink almost every time I realized this was potentially a dangerously revealing game. I was going to have to decide how honest I was going to be. More and more I had to drink.

"I've never had anal sex..." The Wife drinks

"I've never taken naked pictures of myself..." The Wife drinks

"I've never had sex in a public place"... I almost burst out laughing thinking of how we almost always end up playing in a group room at Eyz.

"I've never video taped myself in a sexual act"... yea yea, I drank to that one too.

At what point would I stop sharing the info? What if they flat out asked about the orgy I basically admitted to having. I had already said earlier that The Hubs was my first - and I never mentioned any periods of us being broken up. So how soon would these ladies put the clues together and figure out that I really am a slut?

The questions began to taper off and transitioned into "what would you do?" and I started to have a little reprieve from my anxiety. I wondered later if they knew not to ask many more questions... knowing they may not want to hear what I had to say!

What did I learn?

First, a lot of my friends are prudes. Seriously, one of them needs to be helped to pull the stick out. Secondly, I'm running out of things I've never done... hmmm...

The Wife

Tales from a Bachelorette Party: Rules

A note: The Hubs and I have both recently returned from celebrating the Bachelor/Bachelorette parties for our friends' upcoming wedding. The Hubs and guy friends headed to Mile Zero, USA and The Ladies and I headed to our somewhat-local beach. Same weekend, separate parties and some of the stories are too good not to share.

Rules

As The Hubs and I we were both traveling to "Spring Break destinations" and we try to think ahead we talked ahead of time about what we were OK with each other doing and not doing.

Keep in mind that none of our friends really know about our Swinger Lifestyle. The only ones that have been told didn't believe it. So mostly they think I'm all talk, and just a little slutty-talker. Yes, The Friend knows about it but he's never witnessed it in action.

The Hubs was sent with condoms and permission to have fun and take a picture for me if he could!The Hubs and I joked that this would be the true test of the "Bro Code" they all joke about having. Could they really keep their mouths shut if he slipped away for some sex with a random college girl? Or would the other wives text message alerts be lit up immediately?  My second stipulation was I wanted dirt on everyone! ha! To hell with the bro code for me (although I'm sure he holds some stories back) I want to know everything!!! In the end he had one real opportunity and it ended up not working out because of the idiocy of one of the other guys. Ya gotta love men.

For me, I was off to our somewhat-local beach with 5 other ladies. The group was eclectic, including one newbie, one outsider and one we can all take in small doses. At least it would be interesting, I thought to myself! The Hubs sent me with really one stipulation. And really, I have to give it as a quote to get the full effect. He said:

"I just have one thing to say. If you girls end up going all lesbo on each other and you finally lick a twat and I'm not there to see it... We're gonna have problems"

Insert hilarious laughter here.

We love how you men think all we do at these all-female gatherings is pillow fight and masturbate with each other in front of mirrors.  I broke the Hubs-code on that one and informed the ladies to please restrain me should I decide to go for the twat without The Hubs there! hahaha

The Wife