In a perfect world

At least once a year The Hubs has to travel for work and we always "joke" about who or how many guys I should have over while he is gone. How I will send him videos of my pussy being fucked by a boy toy while he is stuck with his boss. Sounds like a good time, right? For more reason than one it hasn't (and probably won't ever) actually come through. 

For one, until recently I had never played alone. Second, and most importantly we have an understood 'rule' about playing alone with people we don't both already know. This means it needs to be someone we've already played with. And, well that narrows the list down quite a bit. 

In a perfect swinger world The Hubs and I would each have a go-to fuck buddy. I would love for him to have someone we both knew and felt comfortable with for him to have playdates with. No pressure, no jealousy just friendship and fucking. When The Unicorn was around I sent him off to play with her several times when I couldn't be there. He had fun, she had fun, I was happy they had fun. It was a win/win/win. Unfortunately her situation changed. So our naughty time had to come to an end. (And damn if it isn't super hard to find a good replacement Unicorn! Ha!)

As for my list of boy toys... Well... I did invite The BJ Booty Call guy over for when The Hubs is gone next weekend. He originally said yes, he would love to. Today he told me he'll be out of town. 

Insert eye roll here _____. 

So, if it was a perfect world and swinging were easier then maybe I'd be busy fucking around this weekend. Since it's not I guess I'll just have to hang with my good ol' friend Mr. Hitachi Magic Wand. That'll work for me! 

;)

The Wife

Unreciprocated

Maybe I should be flattered. And I am. But, not enough to overrule the fact that I think this whole thing is ridiculous.

Let me back up....Apparently my blow job skills are enjoyable. I'm happy for that. I really do enjoy sucking cock. And I'm very happy to know that despite my complete lack of knowing how to do anything when The Hubs met me I have grown into a craveable blow job giver. But do I enjoy it enough to give them unreciprocated?

Once again today I received a booty call  from a friend we have had over for a MFM on two occasions. He and I text sometimes and I have become his sounding board for swinger issues and coming out about his wants to his fiance. And he loves my blow jobs. Apparently he craves them sometimes. Great. Again, super happy for him. (side note, that is hot) But. He thinks keeps trying to call me up for a blow job booty call. He has tried this tactic 2-3 times in the 2 years I've known him. It hasn't ever happened for one reason: What exactly is in it for me?

I'm a giver. I really am. And I really do enjoy the pleasure that I give The Hubs (and playmates) when I'm sucking their cock. But... in my opinion there are very few reasons to give an unreciprocated blowy. Here are a few.

You're a "fluffer" in the porn industry  - You know, the chick that keeps the guys hard by blowing them while they wait for their scenes. Clearly this is not me, so moving on!

You're in public or a moving vehicle - If you blow your man in an alley behind a bar or while you're driving down the road obviously there is no way for him to take care of you. Hopefully when you reach your destination he takes care of you. Or maybe you take care of yourself while he watches in the car, whatever works for you! ;)

Time Crunch - a friend on Twitter suggested this today for why this dude felt it was OK to ask me for just a BJ. I hadn't thought about it before but I can see how this *could* be a legitimate excuse.

In a Soft Swap situation - This one is a little different because I certainly hope that if you're with a soft swap couple you're getting something. But there are scenarios where the men get blown without the women getting much or anything from the playmate guy.

You're married to the guy attached to the cock - When you love your husband there is pleasure in giving him pleasure. No, I'm not going to physically orgasm from sucking his cock but I do very much enjoy it and when there are reasons to not reciprocate that I'm totally OK with. But that is only because he's my husband and he gets special rules. :)

I'm sure there are others but those are a few examples of how this situation does not apply here! I told him no, this time would not work out and I decided this time to make it known that I'm not interested in just sucking his cock. So I said to him that I'd want to fuck his big hard cock after I blew him etc. etc. He either didn't understand what I was saying (cute, but not so bright) or he opted not to let that information sink into his brain because his response was as if I hadn't responded.

Sigh. I have no doubt he'll try again.

Maybe I should just be flattered... Maybe.

The Wife

Spoke too soon

You know that old phrase don't count your chickens until they hatch? Well, don't stress about tweet-ups until they are actually happening!

Yep, The Tweep has already had to bail on plans for next month. Family obligations (a totally respectable reason) are going to keep him from meeting up. 

So I guess I had nothing to worry about afterall! 

Tweep-up cherry remains intact! 

The Wife

Oh, by the way...

The Hubs and I have had several opportunities to meet up with Twitter friends, but for one reason or another they've all fallen through. Babysitters, proximity, vacations and good ole Aunt Flow have ruined plans with at least 3 friends. Not always on our end, just bad luck sometimes. Some may think we've backed out on purpose but in reality fate has kept us Tweet-up virgins. So far...

We have an opportunity to meet The Tweep who is a single man who I met on Twitter. He has since closed his account but we have continued emailing each other and next month he'll be within an hour of our home. He wants to meet up. I want to meet up. The Hubs wants us all to meet up.

So what's the problem? Well, good old fashioned fear of rejection, essentially.

I've said before that I am not Supermodel-Esq and while I've always been honest about my pictures and postings I'd be a liar if I didn't admit to only posting/sending the pictures of the best angles, lighting, etc. (I mean who would intentionally send a bad picture of themselves?) But in person it is what it is. And well, this guy is totally out of my league.  So I'm already doubting why he'd want to fuck me to begin with. And most especially because I'm a girl - we're naturally hard on ourselves I feel certain he's expecting a much better version of me.

I made a comment to The Hubs who suggested I email The Tweep with some pics and explain that I was feeling inadequate and yada yada yada. On paper I think he is right and I should just get it out there before he is standing in front of me. But, in my mind I keep trying to word that email without making it sound like I'm the swamp creature from the black lagoon. Think about it - how do you say, "Oh, by the way... I really want to make sure you're not going to think I'm gross" without making it seem like you are in fact gross and he should run for the hills?

So I stew. Because I'm a grade-A overthinker I'm sure I'll overthink this one too. I wish I could turn off this part of my brain but I can't. It's just who I am.

So we'll see. Maybe a tweet-up virgin no more...

The Wife

On resolutions

Ahh, yes another new year. The time of year that desk calendars are coffee-spill free and everyone thinks they will have an amazing life in the next 365 days. 

Some people make resolutions for the new year, some think that idea is crap. I tend to lean toward the latter. Then I woke up on December 31, 2013 feeling a full on hangover. I couldn't remember large spans of time from the previous nights' events. I even ran to my living room to see if my purse was there. (It was, thanks to The Hubs) 

Later through various stories and rereading text messages the pieces back together. It went something like this:

Went out with my girl friends to what I thought was dinner and an event. Turned out to be appetizers, drinks and event with drinks. Afterward I joined The Hubs and some guy friends at a bar for drinks. 

This is where the night fell off the tracks. 

Being as drunk as I was I apparently felt it necessary to start groping The Friend. Openly. Great idea, huh? And hugging strangers. I'm pretty sure I told my BFF's husband that The BFF is turning lame. I hung on The Friend pointing at him and saying something about "this guy... this guy..." And who knows what else I just haven't heard about yet. 

I couldn't help but feel like crap, both physically and emotionally. And I kept thinking how embarrassed I was for the clearly obnoxious drunk asshole I was. Embarrassed for how I must have embarrassed The Hubs and embarrassed for how I had thrown myself at (and on) The Friend. (while in front of others no less)

Wow

So I think 2014 needs to be a year of "Less" for me. Not less fun or less naughtiness necessarily but less excess. Less black-hole memories. Less throwing myself at non-swinger men. Less fucking up. Just, less stupid. I don't think of it as a resolution, more like a theme to keep in mind.

So here's to 2014. More fun, less stupid. 

Happy New Year!

The Wife

Attention

Dear Men,

I realize that women are confusing. For some of that I am sorry. But, I can help! It all boils down to one simple thing; positive attention. 

Now, it isn't the same amount of attention for every woman. Some women feel smothered easily, but if you look at the most basic of female-desires they are almost all based on positive attention from their playmate. 

Sound too easy? It really is that simple. 

If you compliment your wife/girlfriend throughout the day, or bring her flowers, or hold open the door, whatever it is for her - make her feel like you have thought about her all day...it will work to your advantage. The Hubs is a smart man and every once in a while he'll come home with a bag full of new panties for me from Frederick's. It is a win-win, he loves to see my ass in new sexy panties and it makes me feel sexy and confident which in turn benefits him! 

Exhibit A: 

Trust me. Try it out. Thank me later.

The swing life should be no different. No, I'm not asking for a date with flowers and candlelight. I actually don't want that from anyone other than The Hubs. But I'm also choosing to believe that my playmate has at least some level of interest in me and is not just there for a free, wet pussy. So it would be nice to think the guy trying to get in my pants was doing so because he thought I was at-the-very-least-somewhat-attractive. I don't know, call  crazy but the time I fucked a guy who didn't appear into "me" as much as my pussy it wasn't fun. I got very little from the experience other than a whole lotta self consciousness.

So, my advice? Fake it if you have to. But, make her feel like you think she is HOT, and I'm betting you will be rewarded. 

The Wife

The appeal of real life

With having accounts on AFF, SLS, going to Eyz and being on twitter you'd think the idea of real life flirtations would be unnecessary. Why potentially fuck up a real life friendship for one night of naughtiness when we have so many "sources" to find playmates. Yet... It happens, more than once. 

But, why? While I'm not entirely sure myself, I have boiled it down to two main reasons (that I can identify).

The first is, I am an exhibitionist. I never really knew how much until I got busted on twitter by a real life vanilla friend. I made my twitter profile private, changed my pictures to graphics and started keeping a low profile. And it was BOR.ING. Even though I don't post that many pics anymore I get a thrill out of showing off my hidden naughty side. 

And, let's face it. Fucking around with a real life friend is the ultimate exposing yourself, isn't it? Which brings me to my next theory; The good girl.

In my real life I've always been a "good girl". My group of friends may see a partying-Jane or hear stories of craziness but deep down I'm thought of as a wife, mother and (mostly) a somewhat-behaved woman. Also, being a very self-conscious person, male attention is always surprising to me. So it is even more surprising when someone who knows me as the "good girl" that I am in my vanilla life sees me in a sexual light. 

I mean, they know me for me. Not the twitter persona, no internet strength to make me more appealing. Just me. And they still want to fuck me. (Side note: I choose not to believe all men would fuck free pussy just because it's free and that these guys are actually finding me appealing) Not the me they think they know from flirting texts trying to set up a play date. Not the me that fills their timelines with TittyTuesday or ThongThursday pictures Just plain old me. And that's fucking hot.

I don't know, maybe it's just the extra taboo of it all. But it's wrong. And it's naughty. And complicated. But, hot-damn it does thrill me sometimes.

The Wife