Valentine's Day Fail

The Hubs and I have celebrated Valentine's Day with a naughty gift for the past several years. What makes it different from the rest of the year is that I do all of it. I pick it out without advice and then let it be a surprise. Since normally we do everything together it's a nice tradition that I always pick something out to surprise him. The only exception is the year he bought me the fuck saw. But, really that's just exceptional all around!

Our city has multiple sex stores and I try and mix it up through the years, but it never fails that I'm a last minute shopper so I'm either going to 18 different places or settling for something similar to what I had in mind. But this year was going to be different. This year I was having a sex toy party in January! Hellooooo, score!!! I was so proud of my self feeling so prepared when the order was placed 1/18.  All we had to do now was wait for the package to arrive... (did y'all just think haha, she said package - oh that was just me? Ok, nevermind then carry on....)

And wait.

We got back from our big trip out west on 2/2, since there was no package waiting on our front door I emailed the consutant that if she hadn't already she could send the package we were home from our trip. She responded "Welcome home!"

No mention of the package. So we wait...

And wait... but I'm still thoroughly convinced that surely the package will arrive before Valentine's Day. I mean give me a break that is 2 weeks from the date I emailed her. I could walk to her house (an hour and a half car drive away) in less time than that.

And wait.

I email her again on 2/10 and say, sorry to bother you but I still haven't gotten anything, asking if she had a way to track it, and asking how she sent it. She responded that she sent it regular mail. No tracking information given...

So here I am February 13th, almost a month past my order date and the eve of the occassion that I need the package for. So much for being prepared.

Valentine's day FAIL!!!!!!!

The Wife

Wrong

I'm on the verge of a twitter war, over a hash tag...

It all started last week when a twitter friend (Fred) posted a picture of his lovely wife flashing her boobs at him. He hash tagged it #FridayFlash - since it was Friday and hello, she was flashing him. Duh.

Then he got a @ from a woman named Loretta, who was informing he was using the hash tag wrong, and he shouldn't be posting pictures like that online. In fact, she stated, the #FridayFlash is to be used for "Flash Literature" that gets posted on twitter on Fridays. Fred retweeted her comment for our enjoyment and, well... I had to put my two cents in.

This is what I said:
@ vanilla is non swinger, you stumbled into a swinger community by following his hash tag, which I'd also argue cannot be used "incorrectly" as twitter is really all just for fun and there really is no "right" or "wrong", right? :)           

So what if you use your FridayFlash for literature and I use it to show off boobs - I'm ok with not being the "normal" - but please don't tell me we're "wrong" for doing it - that makes me want to lose my shit. Different is not wrong, it's just different. If we were all the same imagine how boring the world would be.

So, of course this past Friday I added my two cents again and used my #FridayFlash to post a few pics, as did Fred. And then came the new note... She once again insisted that he was doing it wrong. Maybe it was the fact that I was home on a Friday night and amped up anyway, but that didn't sit well with me. So of course, I said this...

Dear #fridayflash nazi Loretta- just because you use #fridayflash for flash literature doesn't mean that is the ONLY way to use it. So stop telling us it's being used wrong. Live your life and we will live ours! #fridayflash #fridayflash #fridayflash

No response as of yet, but believe me if she doesn't let it go Fred and I will unleash our naughty swinger friends on her hash tag so fast she won't know what hit her! Pretty soon she won't have any literature in her hash tag timeline, but rather boobies and cock shots.

But, I have to ask - am I the only one who's noticing a major downturn in twitter fun lately? Isn't twitter JUST FOR FUN? When did it become so serious, everyone taking everything so personally and seriously? I've experienced a recent rash of twittercides in my TL lately, some people say they're leaving and others have just up and left without notice, but it seems February has been bad for tweeps. I have to think it's because of people like Loretta that sap all of the fun out of twitter and make it yet another chore in our lives.

So, Loretta - I'd like to say perhaps it is you who is in fact "doing it wrong" since none of your stories make people squirm in their pants or produce a raging erection. So how about you piss off and just ignore the boobs in your timeline if that's not what you're looking for.

The Wife

TMI Tuesday - Come to bed

I've never participated in TMI Tuesday, but I thought, why not? So here goes:

1. A friend is coming to have sex. There are 3 twin beds and an air mattress in the room. What do you do? (choose one)
a. Have sex where ever we land first, who needs a bed?
b. Have sex on a single twin mattress
c. Have sex on an air mattress
d. Or? (tell us your solution)

d. Push the three twins together and fuck sideways so they don't separate and you end up falling through the cracks.

Oh who am I kidding, it's a... You just start fucking and see where we land!

2. What is the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find. Why is it there?

Our fucksaw... No one can ever believe that one! It's there because it's a damn good time!!!

3. What are your favorite sheets?
a. Flannel
b. Cotton
c. T-shirt cotton (jersey)
d. Satin

I live in FL - where it is perpetually 900 degrees - cotton please!

4. Do you sleep with sheets tucked in or out? Why?

I absolutely cannot sleep with them tucked in! I am a stomach sleeper and my sheets and covers do an on and off dance all night long - mostly just on my feet.

5. What is your usual bedtime? Why?
a. 8-10 pm
b. 10-12 midnight
c. 12-24
d. Whenever my eyes won’t stay open any longer.

We watch tv from our bed at night, so we are "in bed" usually around 8:30 but then we watch tv, fuck, talk, sometimes smoke, fuck, watch tv, fuck etc... Usually going to sleep by 10:30/11.

5. Do you sleep with closet door(s) shut or open? Bedroom door shut or open? Any particular reason why?

I would love for our closet doors to be shut all of the time, but they just aren't! They are louvered doors so they end up being open most of the time. The door gets closed but not tight. It's closed because The Hubs is a vampire and likes to sleep in pitch blackness. But can't be latched because our child loves to come running into our room in the morning.

6. Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex?

Our current bed is broken from us!! Not only does it squeak like at any second the last bit will go but there are several posts on the headboard that are not longer connected at the bottom! Oops ;)

7. What’s your favorite type of bed for sex?

A clean one w/ a gorgeous man in it!

8. What do you sleep in?

a. Lingerie
b. Underwear
c. Day clothes
d. T-shirt
e. Nothing

Most of the time it's nothing, however when it's "cold" here I will put on a t-shirt to cover my shoulders (can't sleep w/cold air on my shoulders, why? Who knows!)

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your blog, answer the questions there, then leave a comment on the tmituesdayblog so we’ll all know where to read your responses!

Pillow Talk

I've recently heard of an interesting pillow talk situation. In a nutshell pillow talk was shared with friends who had appeared in the fantasies and it got me thinking about pillow talk in general. I think I've mentioned before that I enjoy the pillow talk The Hubs and I engage in. In fact, last Saturday night The Hubs actually stopped fucking me to laugh at how tight my pussy got after he made a comment about The Friend.  ha!

But, unlike in the situation I was told about is that our pillow talk is just for us. Even though people we know in real life make (frequent) appearances in our fantasies doesn't mean I would consider sharing that information with them. And, that goes for The Friend as well - even though he knows way more than anyone else that makes pillow talk pop ins - he doesn't need to know what we're saying in the privacy of our fucking!

Maybe it's just me, but I think pillow talk is for whoever is involved at the moment and no one else.

Am I wrong? Would you share yours with your crushes?

The Wife 

Last Saturday Night

I had a slumber party last Saturday night. A slumber party with 17 other women.

Jealous?

Well, you should be! It was fun! Of course The Slumber Party I'm talking about was a sex toy party. And, anyway that is way more fun than a real slumber party. The background made this an even more interesting party. The Consultant and I were meeting for the first time, however we have previously talked many times as she and her husband are former potentials playmates.

We found The Consultant and her husband online, and they were great. On all accounts the four of us hit it off very well and kept trying to schedule a meeting. We just couldn't ever find a time that worked for all of us. For a variety of factors our schedules just never worked out. We remained friendly on Facebook, and then I decided it was time for another party. (After all I'm the only one of my vanilla friends who hosts these kinds of things. And some of their husbands need all the help I can give!) I thought of The Consultant and booked a party.

The Hubs and all kids were ushered out of the house, 15 ladies and 2 Consultants arrived and three hours of laughing and drinking (and drinking....) passed quickly. A friend of mine recently started making cake pops, so I asked her to make penis cake pops... of course I had to try them out...

Most of you are probably men and are trying to figure out why in the world I'm telling you all of this.. well when you host a sex toy party you get a bunch of new toys. And the best part of this company is that I got to pick it out right then if I wanted to. I got a lot of credit to shop, so I wanted to look over everything, but I knew right away I wanted this one... 

This is The Anal Stimulator. It has a bullet inside the end, so you get some vibration along with the stimulation. All I had to do was wait for The Hubs to return from his guys-night-out.

He got home and we smoked and caught up on the gossip of the night. Pretty soon he was fingering my sopping wet pussy (hello, hours of foreplay!) and we began to play. The Hubs got out the new toy and lubed it up. I got out my Hitachi and started to play with myself. Once the new toy was in my ass The Hubs slid his hard cock into my pussy and I felt it clamp down hard around him. He started fucking me harder while I had the vibrating ass and clit. My whole body was on fire as I came time and time again on his cock as he pounded me.  Then without much transition I realized The Hubs had slipped the new toy out of my ass and his cock had replaced it. I was so wet he didn't need any lube and soon he was fucking the hell out of my ass while I kept cumming over and over from his hard cock and the Hitachi in combination.

That's my kind of Saturday night...

The Wife

Slut check

I've told you before of my flirtatious nature in my "vanilla" life. But, I'm very aware that my BFFs are not in the lifestyle - and there is a fine line in vanilla life between fun friend who flirts and that slut (and in vanilla life, slut is not good) that is always getting drunk and obnoxious. (Clearly I'm hoping to be the first, rather than the second)

Just before Christmas every year we go to a dinner party with our friends. There are 4 married couples and it is always a well spent few hours of good wine, great food and amazing friends. So, fast forward to just the other night when The Hubs and I start looking through the online photo album sent by The BFF from the night. Picture after picture finds me hanging all over the men and some of the women! And one after another I say things like "ohh yea" and "I don't remember that at all" and The Hubs begins to fill in the blanks. The blanks include a time when I stood amongst the circle of cigar smoking boys and just pulling my boob out for a while. No reason, just letting it have some air I suppose!

My inner vanilla conscious was screaming at me. So I reached out to The BFF, to let her be my gauge of appropriateness. (a. If anyone else had issue they'd tell her... b. she tells me straight and c. as usual i was hanging on her hub! Lol) Her response? "oh, please you didn't do anything out of the ordinary"

Hahaha!

Well, I guess they all just expect me to be slutty, and they're ok with it. I still think I'll do a double check on my vanilla filter... Just to make sure my halo is still on straight!

The Wife

Question & Answer

Question:

What's the status of the no show friend? Is it awkward?   Answer: No! At least not yet...    We've seen each other one time in person since the no-call-no-show night, but we've talked since then. It took a like 2 weeks for the drunk texting to start back up. I let him take the lead on these because I want to always be conscious that not everyone lives in the lifestyle The Hubs and I do, so I don't want to push.     Now, had I shown any sign of uncomfort I think The Friend would turn awkward quickly. But that's not my style and really, let's think about it - what is there to be awkward about? We haven't done anything! I haven't even sent him naked pics or anything so really, it's all been flirting - and let's face it - I do that every day of the week!   Oh, but I did get a pic of the tip of his cock this weekend... at least he said it was - it's so close you can only see that it is flesh - could be his thumb! Love drunk texting! lol   Keep the questions coming!   The Wife