The initial conversation with potential playmates is filled with unknowns
Will they be awesome or will this fizzle?
Will they become our newest go-to playmate?
Or will they be better suited for a one night stand?
Most of the time you go into the conversations blindly, since people on swinger websites like AFF and SLS have their faces blurred or cropped out to protect their identity. The Hubs and I are no exception. We have no face pictures on our profiles that aren't edited beyond recognition. So the conversations almost always start out the same...Introductions, small talk, picture exchange etc.
If there is potential the conversations go from there, but the real problem lies when you realize it is a dead end. Sometimes it's when you open the first picture (we've all been on both sides of that one) other times it's after talking a long time you just realize there is no connection/attraction. We chat with potentials online for a while before meeting in person for a drink. The main reason we do that is because of that awful awkward uh oh moment when you realize you really don't like these people. Well, that's a whole lot easier online than in person. I feel bad, but at the same time don't want to take one for the team to avoid hurting any one's feelings. So when you're online, talking to a perfect stranger and you realize this is a waste of your time what do you do?
You could be honest. Generally speaking I'd say honesty is the best policy. Of course, I'm talking about nice honesty, but really is there any nice way of saying you're not attracted to them? No matter how gently it's put it will always be a sting to the recipient. The most memorable honest route was with a couple we chatted with. They were both very nice and not bad looking, but for me there just wasn't any sexual attraction. I decided to be honest and very nicely told him that I didn't think this was going to work out. He didn't take it so nicely.
He wasn't outwardly pissy, but it was pretty obvious. Imagine a 12 year old having a didn't-get-my-way temper tantrum. Messages on the instant messenger directed at me and finally I decided to just block him out of my profile. There is no need for that in my life. Swinging is for fun, I have enough drama in real life thank you very much.
The other option is to ditch. Let's be real here - it's anonymous up until a certain point, and you control that point. So if you get a picture of a playmate and you know you're not going to bang them you can always ditch. But, isn't that really immature and kinda asshole-ish? But then I think of The Reject Brat and his tempter tantrum when I gave him the respect of an honest and kind answer. It's rather tempting to just log offline and change your stealth settings to make them think you're just gone forever. *POOF* gone.
Basically, you're fucked either way. Sorry kids, it's the truth.
So what do you think? Honesty or Ditch?
The Wife
We tend to prefer to the honest approach regardless which end of the conversation we are on. However, we generally don't make clear who on our end said "No go."
ReplyDeleteI also think we would have blocked The Reject Brat much sooner.
Him being pissy about it is his problem, not yours. If the chemistry isn't there, either physical or personality-wise, we simple say "we're sorry, we don't think the chemistry is there" and leave it at that. We'll NEVER explain why, there's nothing to be gained by that conversation.
ReplyDeleteGod, now I'm having flashbacks to the headache that was Ned and Ann...
My partner and I prefer the honest approach also. However, in our neck of the woods, it's difficult to even get a "thanks, but no thanks" when it comes to responding to our initial contact.
ReplyDelete