The "Single" Male



The top theory of The No Show is that he was married/attached and that is why he dropped off the face of the planet. I'm going with that one or a stupid Catfish situation. Either way, it is annoying when people are untruthful about their status. In fact, I recently sent out a tweet saying something about how this or that was "probably married"... I was asked "is that a problem?" and the answer to that is not as easy as it may seem.

I'd be a big ole hypocrite if I said I was anti-married people. I'd be an even bigger one if I said I had an issue with if the person had permission or not. After all, The Friend is in a long-term relationship and we all know how much that stopped me... And helloooo, I am married too. So clearly I'm ok with blurring the lines.

Here is the distinction though. If you are honest and say to me up front that you are married/attached and you do not have permission I may not like it (cheating is really a nasty thing) but if all of the other factors fall into place who am I to judge you? But... it does adds an extra layer of complication. And that is, if nothing else, annoying.

Some examples:

Now on top of schedules, interest, location etc we have to contend with the fact that we're trying to keep something on the DL from your partner. That means I need to remember when I can and can't text you. And really, do I have the time or brain power to remember such things? No! So chances are at some point I'll accidentally reach out to you when you're unable to talk. So have a good story ready. Or save my name in your phone as a guy's name.

It takes all spontaneity out of the playtime. True, as a parent The Hubs and I don't have that much "spontaneous play time" but on the rare occasion after little people are asleep we sneak a playmate in for some fun. This is almost always a "hey lets see if blah blah blah can play tonight" rather than a planned event. If you're married/attached you're probably working around your wife/girlfriend's schedule. Meaning there is no booty call.

I ain't got no time for your drama. This hasn't happened yet...knock on wood...but I have low tolerance for drama. I don't need an angry woman calling me up or God-forbid showing up on my doorstep because I fucked her husband/boyfriend. Seriously, ain't nobody got time for that...

So I try to not find guys that are attached, but all of you men out there playing on the DL for the love of all things you gotta be honest about it with your playmates. Otherwise you're more likely to fall victim to example #1 leading to example #3. And I repeat.... Ain't NOBODY got time for that.

The Wife

My Type

Have you ever sat down to examine your partners and wonder what similarities and differences they have to each other? Do you have a "type" that you gravitate toward?

I often joke that while growing up I was always attracted to blonde, preppy boys. Then I met The Hubs and ended up marrying a brunette who isn't particularly preppy ;) But in reality it wasn't that I changed my type, it was that as time wore on my preferences evolved and continue to do so. The clearest example of this is one that The Hubs loves to tease me about. That is, bald men.

If you had asked a 20-something version if I'd be drawn to the bald look I'd probably have laughed at you. Even knowing that The Hubs was genetically predisposed to join this group I couldn't imagine myself "enjoying" the look on anyone but him (and him mostly because I love him). Now, in my 30's I find myself attracted to these cue-ball men. (* think Bruce Willis, Jason Statham sort of bald. Not George Costanza)

Maybe it is because there are so many men taking the scalped option over the dreaded comb-over of yesteryear but the Mr. Clean look kinda works for me. Maybe it is evolutionary in preparation for if The Hubs does follow in his family footsteps (so far he hasn't and that is longer than any other dude in the family) Maybe it is because so many of the men in our age range are bald/balding these days. Any way around it, it is working for me. 

So if you're on the fence about shaving off that comb over, I say go for it! I can't be alone in this new found enjoyment :)

The Wife 

The No Show

Sometimes it is easy to spot the weirdos. Fuck, they're plentiful in this lifestyle. But sometimes you have no red flags and then you're met with a douche. This is the story of The No Show.

It started last week when I began talking to this guy looking to me a new playmate. He was young, good looking and polite. We went through the normal process; face picture exchange, general pleasantries and the what do you like conversations. We set up a date for 4 days later and ended the conversation. All good.

The next day he reached out via kik again. "Just checking in", he said. I literally thought "c'mon dude, we're already set to get together what do you want to chat about??" but I was nice and we chatted a bit. The next day the same, and then again the day after that. Each day he would check in, say hello and engage in normal pleasant conversation. He never asked for pictures or dirty stories, just conversation.

The night before we were going to play I mentioned our plans had fallen through that night and maybe I would just go crazy and call him to come over that night instead of meeting for a drink. He loved the idea and I said if it worked out I'd let him know. Other plans for The Hubs and I came together so I didn't reach out to him. I woke the next day to a kik message from 2 am saying how disappointed he was he didn't get to fuck me that night. He was clearly looking forward to it.

Finally the big day arrived and I spent all day making sure all things were prepped. The house was clean, the vag was shaved etc. New sheets went on the bed and again he reached out to see if we were still on for that night. We were supposed to meet for a drink at a bar around the corner from our house and if we hit it off I'd bring him home to meet The Hubs. There was a plan change and we decided just to have him come straight to the house (something we never do) so I gave him our address. He said he'd let me know when he was on the way and that was that.

That was the last we ever heard from him. He completely disappeared. No text, no email, no kik whole lot of nothing. The kik messages I sent at the time have gone unread even still. OK, so now what? It happens, chalk it up to not working out. But, I have to wonder why? I'm nosey, remember? I always want to know why. So I'd really fucking like to know WHY?

There were no. red. flags. He had been with couples, check! He was willing to meet for a drink first, check! He didn't ask for pictures except in the initial exchange, check! Was he married and his wife changed the plans? Found out about his attempt at an affair? Was he a real guy at all? Was this some sort of catfish type bullshit? It's OK to not want to fuck me but I just can't help but wonder why you would go to all of the trouble to not show up. HE was the one who reached out each day. HE was the one to confirm the plans. HIM, not me! So why bother?

Ohhhh single men...


The Wife

The Hubs

Today is The Hubs birthday. I don't often talk about my main man on here in depth because I tend to stick to the random stories that keep you guys hungry for more. But, in honor of his 30-something birthday here are 25 reasons (in no particular order) I love this man.

1. His eyes - they are so damn pretty. They are super clear light blue and most people get sucked in to how pretty they are.

2. The way he loves me. Yes this is general. But I'm not the easiest to love. He's stuck around way longer than anyone not genetically related to me.

3. He is THE BEST hugger. One of the first things I fell in love with. I mean seriously, when he wraps me up in his arms I could live there. Like for real.

4. He still makes me tingle. Like full body.

5. If I'm ever stranded on a deserted island or kidnapped by terrorists (for what purpose I don't know) I KNOW he'll come for me. He's just that guy. There are other people who may look for me but would soon give up. I know he wouldn't.

6. I turn everything into a joke. So he hears an almost non-stop dialogue of thoughts. On occasion I really get him with something funny. When he really laughs hard at one of my jokes it spurs me on like no one else.

7. The way he knows stupid little things about me like I don't like my sandwiches cut in half if made at home. Dumb, yes but it is the little things.

8. How I still catch him watching me dress or undress. 17 years into our relationship there isn't much left to hide. Yet the man still watches me undress or dress. It amazes me constantly.

9. How he can read my moods. Ok, so sometimes it drives me a little crazy. But whatever. He totally gets it. There is no hiding my pissiness from him.

10. His smile. Especially when looking at out spawn.

11. The Father he is to our spawn. In fact, he almost insisted on bottle feeding just so he could do half of the feedings. What man do you know that WANTS to be awake at 2 am feeding a crying baby?

12. Speaking of which - the way he loves our spawn is #12. Fully, unconditionally and in his own way so different from how either of us were raised we have made a little family and it is clear the way he loves the wee people in our home.

13. The way he can fix almost anything! Seriously, the mechanical and practical intelligence this guys has amazes me constantly.

14. When I catch him (or he admits) watching me as I shower through the cracked door. Maybe that creeps you out, but to me I know it's motivated by lust, which is hot.

15. The way he encourages me to be dirty and slutty. Fuck, he does 99% of the work finding people for ME to fuck.

16. The way he can read my mind. I can't tell you how often I'm thinking something and then suddenly he says the exact words in my head. Sometimes it's kinda creepy he's so accurate. I'm talking like exact words.

17. His ears. He hates them, I love them. Sure they stick out a little but who cares. I think they are adorable.

18. The way he took care of my post c-section. (Yep, I'm a mother but my who-ha has never been stretched out, score for the inner slut!) I'm not going to get into TMI details but let's just say when my sister heard about how he was caring for me and the things he was willing to do she said he deserved Husband of the Century medal.

19. How he constantly protects our family. He is one of those people who trusts no one and is constantly looking for lurking danger. Which is great because I tend to trust most people and never think anything bad is going to happen. Good combo, right?

20. How unendingly patient he is when he coaches our kid and 17 other 4-6 year olds. I mean for real, I often sit watching him deal with the crazies thinking WHO is this man????

21. How sometimes I'm getting dressed or doing laundry or something totally unsexy and he comes up behind me and shoves his cock deep in my pussy. Kinda like he HAS to have me NOW. HOT.

22.  How he makes the nightly rounds checking out the doors, dog, kids and doing a  security perimeter check multiple times a night while I saw logs.

23. How he has seen me in every imaginable shape, form, version of myself and still never actually says when he isn't impressed. Sure I know which version is his favorite (it's mine too) but he never says OMG, DUDE why are you so nasty. Even when he comes home and I'm still in my pjs from a long day.

24. How we can have an entire conversation without speaking a word. A few Christmases ago we were at a dinner party and from across the table I said "Hey, baby can you pass me that mushroom?" "sure" he said as he reached for the exact one I wanted. Simple, yes. Did it blow the mind of our friends? YES. It's the things like that. Sometimes we see something or someone and just the look says it all. We know exactly what we're going to make fun of or discuss as soon as we are alone.

25. For being mine. We share each other but at the end of the day he's mine. And it's one of the best things I love about him.

Happiest Birthday wishes to my love. I'm so eternally grateful that your Dad didn't pull out.

The Wife.

The Video

 

The Video

 

Enjoy...

 

 

 

The Wife

Recognized

Remember when I said this "Since it was for a city we don't live in, he even put our face pictures out there! When he told me I thought hmmm... I wonder if we'd be recognized by anyone?" about our Craigslist ad? Well, lets just say the city of New Orleans is a lot smaller than you may realize.

The group decided to go off Bourbon for a nice dinner on our second night. When we arrived we had a short wait for our table and got a seat at the bar for a drink. I was sitting facing away from the bar with The Hubs standing next to me as we talked with our friends. All of the sudden the guy at the end of the bar gets The Hubs attention and calls him over to him. Having never seen this man before it was not shocking that I could see the question all over The Hubs' face and it plainly said "WTF".

I was the closest to the man and I could just barely catch a word he said. I swore he said the word "Craigslist". Soon The Hubs laughed, shook his hand and walked back. Naturally our friends were asking questions so The Hubs said that he said he looked super familiar and couldn't figure out why so he just wanted to shake his hand.

Ok, I thought... that's a cover story. For sure.

We were seated a few minutes later and I was able to whisper to The Hubs to ask if I had actually heard what I thought I heard. He laughed, yes I had. The man had recognized me from the ad as soon as I walked in the bar. In the moment The Hubs said no to him so that it would be dropped in front of our friends.

What are the odds, we laughed to ourselves when we looked up and realized there was a guy at the very next table who had been a "no". WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON!?! In a city of millions we run into TWO men who saw us on Craigslist in the same restaurant? Luckily that guy didn't recognize us, or I think our friends really would have been questioning!!

The Wife

Slut in The Big Easy

Sometimes I think The Hubs and I have reached a point we have done *everything* in our swing life. Not that we are bored, just that we have reached a point that we have tried everything that we are willing to try. But then, something new comes along and it makes me think me that we still have a few uncharted areas and maybe there really isn't an end to the exploration. This weekend we popped a cherry and well, it was a helluva lot of fun.

The Hubs and I spent last weekend in New Orleans with a group of vanilla friends. As per his usual he set out feelers on our AFF profile, SLS page and his new favorite, Craigslist. He does this just about every time we travel alone but usually it doesn't work out or we are barraged with 847 forms of weirdos. Since it was for a city we don't live in, he even put our face pictures out there! When he told me I thought hmmm... I wonder if we'd be recognized by anyone?

The responses to the Craigslist ad were plentiful. So much that I doubt he ever checked the other two once we got there. All day he would check his email and I'd see him either laugh and type (rejection) or he'd discreetly show me the face pics. This is our standard system. He weeds out those he knows I won't like and or don't meet the set parameters and then shows me the face pics for a yes or no before moving on to the next phase. (we're such a good team! lol) My responses range from 'Maybe' to 'FUCK THAT', and we laugh at the odd responses or the guys that start off by saying things like "I'm not what you're looking for but..."

The first night he was texting with The Local all night long. He was young, blonde and looked like a little frat boy. We originally planned on meeting up at 1am (had to get away from our friends after a night on Bourbon street!) but then our friends pooped out earlier and The Hubs reached out to see if we could move it up. After about 2 hours of no response we took it as it was a no show and went about our night.

Typical, we said to each other.

The next night The Hubs had changed the ad to say something about not wasting our time and that if they couldn't read they should go back to school. The emails kept coming. He kept screening. Eventually there was one that made it to the email phase and I got an email from a guy wanting to meet up that night. We made tentative plans but The Hubs kept looking so as to not be burned like the night before. Around 9:30pm The Hubs sent me a text. It said "Text this number..." Ok I thought, let's roll the dice and see how this goes.

I reached out to The Craigslist Guy and got a quick response. We chatted a few minutes with the normal pleasantries as I tried to keep my friends from seeing my phone. (I have a Note 3 now - huge screen, very easy to read from afar!) He was sounding good so we made plans to meet up but would have to reach out to see where when it got closer. One of the issues would be we were essentially "in charge" of one of our friends who would ask us to walk her back to her/our hotel before her husband was ready to go back. This meant we had to pretend to go back to our room, wait for her to go to her room and then sneak back out. It felt like the high school experience I never had.

We had plans to meet at the bar on the corner from our hotel back on Bourbon Street. I'd be full of shit if I didn't admit I was freaking out inside as we made our way to the bar. Were we really doing this? The what-ifs had my head spinning by the time we made it the 2 blocks. We went in and the first pleasant surprise was he looked exactly like his photo. First hurdle covered!

When we sat down and the bartender told us they were closing in 20 minutes. Somehow we had found the only bar on Bourbon that closed at midnight. But, he would serve us a quick drink. Down to business! We each had a drink and we did the normal chit chatting. The basics, nothing too deep; where are you from, how did you get into this etc. I sucked down a drink and deemed him good-to-go. We left the bar and showed him the way to the hotel. Since I was out all day I wanted to take a quick shower first, so The Hubs and The Craigslist Guy hung out on the couch in our suite while I jumped in the shower to freshen up.

I had left my red lingerie in the bathroom so when I came out I was ready for the fun to start. The Hubs left me for a moment and went to the bathroom. I sat down and The Craigslist Guy told me that he liked my new outfit. Then he clarified the rules again, which I thought was a) rare and b) super nice. (note that one guys, as Barney Stinson would say "it's going to be a thing") Then he said "well, ready?" and held out his hand to escort me to the bedroom.

I started taking his belt off. Not knowing what I was in for, I got down on my knees in front of him as I pulled down his pants and boxers. He was mostly ready and let out a deep moan as I slid his cock into my mouth and down my throat. He had a nice sized cock. Good thickness but not so thick I felt like I wasn't able to take it deep. I took it all the way in and twirled my tongue once and he sort of quivered. It was hot to have such an expression of his enjoyment. I only got a few throat plunges and he pulled me up and threw me on the bed. He spread my legs and buried his face in my wet pussy.

I heard The Hubs join us and he came over to take a closer look. He was videoing and found a spot in the corner for a good view. I looked over and watched as I writhed under the tongue of The Craigslist Guy. He was licking and sucking and I was really enjoying it. He fingered me while he licked and The Hubs joined me on the bed at my head and stuck his cock in my throat. I moaned and The Hubs knew what I wanted. He told The Craigslist Guy it was time to fuck me. He agreed and got up to get his condom on. The Hubs kissed me and returned to his corner to watch.

The Craigslist Guy slid his cock in slowly letting my pussy stretch around him and suck his cock deeper in. Then he folded me in half and fucked my pussy hard and deep until we he came.

The Hubs got up and flipped me onto my knees and buried his throbing cock deep into my used pussy. I gasped and my slickness sucked in The Hubs until we both came while The Craigslist Guy stood in front of me and I stroked his cock.

When we were done we fell over and he sat back down and we hung for a few minutes. I wasn't sure if he could go again, since we hadn't had that conversation so we hung out and I thought he was probably not going to be able to cum again. So we said our goodbyes and I walked him to the door, gave him a hug and he left.

Simple. Hot. Fuck and go.

I came back and walked straight to the bed to a waiting Hubs. I sucked his cock deep as I licked my way up and down his cock to clean him and then he fucked me hard and left another load deep in me. When we were done we both basically passed out where we were.

The whole experience was fun. Maybe we got lucky and found a nice guy and it's rare but this was pure sex. No getting to know you, no worrying if they know anyone you know just me, two cocks and a whole lot of fun.

The Wife