Jane's Common Sense Guide to Twitter

Remember when Twitter was fun?

I don't know, maybe it's the recent rash of twittercides and twantrums that have me thinking...  And it has led me to this.

Jane's Common Sense Guide to Twitter:

* Don't use an egg for your picture, take a picture of a coffee cup if you must, but no one is going to take you seriously as an egg - no matter what you say or do.

* If you're tweet is in another language I can't respond to you. I have no idea if you told me to fuck off or that you think I'm fabulous. Sorry, I just don't speak anything but English - unless you count Pig Latin, or should I say Igpa Atinla?

*If you post sexy material expect sexy responses. Maybe it's because I've never been flooded with cock pics or men stampeding to fuck me, but when a guy says they think I'm hot I take it as a compliment! I'm not saying there aren't creepy people and tweets out there, but take a compliment for goodness sakes, it just means you're hot!

*Figure this one out early - there is always someone hotter than you out there. But, there is also always  someone out there who thinks you're hot, even if they aren't saying it.

*"Friendships" are often ended when one person feels they no longer have a shot at having sex with you. I've seen this one a few times, but I guess you'd say those are the friends that aren't worth having.

* If 99% of your twitter page is sexual content then assume every post is going to be taken sexually by at least one person. Even if your post has nothing to do with sex, there will be at least one person who takes it as an opportunity to make a sexual joke. I go with the roll my eyes and ignore method, but go with whatever you like.

*Twittercides - there are two methods of twittercide - The Announced and The Unannounced. As you can imagine in The Announced version the tweep will make several comments to let everyone know that they were leaving. Sometimes this goes on for days, and the people actually never leave! Sometimes it's one tweet and the account is gone so fast you're not even done reading it and they're gone. Then of course The Unannounced they are just... *poof*... gone, sometimes without even closing their account!

*Sometimes you'll get more responses than you can imagine to a nonsense post. And sometimes you'll post a picture or an awesome gem you thought would go crazy and you hear nothing. Welcome to life. Sometimes people are too busy to respond, retweet or whatever - doesn't mean they didn't enjoy the message. I try and think of twitter as a black hole of randomness. I'm sending my thoughts and pictures into the black hole and sometimes someone sees it and I get some feedback.  Hell, sometimes I post a naked pic and lose followers - talk about a self esteem kill! But in the end it all boils down to "shit happens" and not a commentary on how much we like you.

*Most importantly don't take everything so seriously and or personally. Social media is supposed to be there for fun, so let's lighten up and enjoy the debauchery!

The Wife

PS - if you think you've seen yourself in the above post let me assure you, I'm not talking about you. This post is about no one and everyone, just general observations from a wife in FL. I know I've been guilty of each of them myself at one time or another so don't be getting all offended. :)